Three Little Pigs... :) Shangy!
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
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I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
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These sizzling hot new pages our from our friends PatDeE
and LouiseA. Take a walk down memory lane and see how
many favorites you can find in this wonderful collection.
Forever Hollywood!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood.html
Forever Hollywood 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood2.html
Forever Hollywood 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood3.html
---
...Lots of smiles with these! Thank You PatDeE and LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
^^ .-=-=-=-. ^^
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^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ ^^
( `-=-=-=-(@)-=-=-` ) ^^
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jgs (`-=-=-=-=-`)
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A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain
"Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
Doctor: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
Man: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
Doctor: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the
place you were stung."
Man: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree."'
Doctor (in anger): "No, no, you idiot! I mean on which part of your
body did that bee sting."
Man: "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."
Doctor: "No, I mean which one?"
Man (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."
-<>-
This bloke in London dashes into a psychiatrist's office, throws
himself to couch and says, "Doctor you've gotta help me. I think I'm a
biscuit. What do you think?"
The shrink strokes his chin thoughtfully and asks, "Are you square?"
"Yes."
"Do you have lots of little holes?"
"Yes! Yes!"
"And are you covered all over with a light sprinkling of salt?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!"
"Then you're not a biscuit, you're crackers!"
-<>-
The National Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece,
there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass
violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time
looking stupid, some bass players decided to sneak offstage and go to
the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at
his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!" he said.
"No need to panic," said a fellow bass player. "I thought we might need
some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score
together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later, they staggered back to the concert hall and took
their places in the orchestra.
About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed
a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom
of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
February 22 is George Washington's Birthday, Be Humble, Walking
the Dog Day and International World Thinking Day
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation and Tennis Day
February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day
February 25 is Pistol Patent Day
February 26 is Carnival Day, National Pistachio Day and Tell a Fairy
Tale Day
February 27 is Polar Bear Day and No Brainer Day
February 28 is Oscar Night, Public Sleeping Day and National Tooth
Fairy Day
February 29 is Leap Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
""""""""""""""""""
.__=\__ .__==__,
jf' ~~=\, _=/~' `\,
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j5(/ `\./ V\\, Unknown
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>New Dictionary
While I was employed by a private corporation and assigned to the
space-shuttle program, my job included ordering supplies.
One of the engineers asked me to get a new dictionary for him. The
request form said, "State reason this item is needed," so I asked him
why he wanted one.
I expected his answer would be "My old copy is lost" or "The cover is
falling off." Instead he replied, "My edition defines spaceship as an
'imaginary aircraft.'" He got his new dictionary.
-<>-
>At the Bank
During the years that I was home with my three children, I
occasionally had to handle banking business for our family-owned
corporation.
One of those times my youngest was only two weeks old and the older
ones were three and four years old. With trepidation I entered the
bank lobby with all three children in tow, hoping that they would
behave appropriately for that business climate, and was dismayed to
see several people in each teller's line.
As I held the baby, I swayed and bounced to keep her relaxed and quiet.
After a few minutes, my four-year-old daughter, who was holding my
skirt, looked up and asked, "Mommy, why are you doing that?"
Then, after a short pause, her face lit with revelation and she
asked knowingly, "Do you need to go potty?"
It's a shame bank lobbies can be so quiet.
-<>-
>Opportunity
"What do you have to do to become a doctor?" my six-year-old
granddaughter once asked.
Her dad, seeing an opportunity, said, "You have to do extremely well
in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent
college, make the highest grades possible, and then go to medical
school, and follow that with an internship. Then you can start your
own practice. Honey, as smart as you are, you can be anything you
want to be."
She gave all this a moment's thought and then asked, "What do you
have to do to be queen?"
-<>-
>Always in Trouble
A senior in the high school class I taught was always in trouble,
both at home and at school, and he was getting fed up. "That's it!
I'm tired of people telling me what to do," he announced at the end
of class one day. "As soon as I graduate, I'm joining the Marines."
-<>-
>Carrier Landing
Flying into a military airfield, my co-pilot and I reviewed our
flight plan for the trip back to the USS Enterprise. We were to pick
up a Navy captain, and experience had taught me that even seasoned
vets turn white-knuckled during carrier landings.
Once the captain was strapped in, I turned around to welcome him
aboard. "Sir," I asked, "will this be your first carrier landing?"
Looking at me with disdain, he opened his inflatable vest to display
gold wings above five rows of ribbons. "Son," he said, "I have over
500 carrier landings in jet fighters."
"That's good to hear," my co-pilot said, winking at me, "because this
will be our first."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
/|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\
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`-' `-' `--' `-' \| |/
pb
>Smiles
Today I had to go to Lowe's. As I walked toward the entrance, I noticed
a lady driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and
pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The
driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not
handicapped!" Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! "Oh, I'm
sorry," I said. "I saw your 'I'm Ready for Hillary' bumper sticker and
just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder." She gave me the
finger and screamed some nasty names at me. Boy! Some people don't
appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out.
-------
A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and
ordered champagne. The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered
a glass of champagne."
"What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, "It is a special
day for me. I am celebrating." "It is a special day for me too, I
am also celebrating!" said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer.
While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and
today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."
"What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for
years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay
fertilized eggs."
"This is incredible," said the woman. "What did you do for your
chickens to become fertile?"
"I used a different rooster," he said.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."
-------
Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom.
The teacher asks, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to
whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," replied the teacher, "When I
was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
--------
During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily
activity level. He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday
afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped
from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky
hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped
away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four leaks behind big
trees."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one heck of an
adventurous outdoorsman!"
"No," he replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
--------
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the
personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the
director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had
five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've
ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you
wanted somebody with imagination."
--------
A man was walking along the beach in California and found a bottle. He
looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie
appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am
so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish,
but I can only grant one."
The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to
go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly -
airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that
water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be
built from here to Hawaii.
The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't
think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all
the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to
go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed.
No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is
one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to
understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, when they want
attention, when they don't. Basically, what makes them tick."
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two
lanes or four?"
-------
>Murphy's Laws and Others
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,
will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched
is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal;
someone always answers.
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work,
IT WILL!!!
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle,
always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats
several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave
early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The
folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long
gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the
performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will
ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have
adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a
floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet or rug.
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!
Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better..
But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Apple defies Court Order
http://tinyurl.com/zyhlq2w
---
...If any of us did this, we'd be thrown immediately into
jail - no passing go - no collecting $200 - just off to jail
we'd go! Why is the Apple CEO above the law?
Donald J. Trump, the Republican presidential contender, also
attacked Apple on Fox News, asking, “Who do they think they are?”
I guess as long as you are super rich, Obama administration
will let you do as you please... and just beg you to comply:
http://tinyurl.com/grdx5cc
Apple wants to protect its customers from whom? The FBI? If we
have to worry about the FBI knowing what we are doing, then
perhaps what we are doing shouldn't be covered up by some tech's
code? We are talking about our safety as a nation against those
who want us all dead.
Makes about as much sense as letting serial killers be put in
prison with parole eligibility. I just watched a show on ID about
two separate serial killers working in one area. They killed and
mutilated a bunch of people between them yet the one guy is up
for parole in 2017! I guess he already had a parole hearing in 2012.
Why waste our time and money on these people? Serial killers should
never get parole. It goes against common sense. Just shows what a
crazy world we live in!
I'm talking about these evil men - Edmund Kemper and Herbert Mullin
http://truecrimecases.blogspot.com/2012/08/edmund-kemper.html
-<>-
All The Conservative News
http://rightalerts.com/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
An 18-year-old man was arrested on a charge of practicing
medicine without a license after allegedly running a medical
clinic and treating patients despite not being a doctor,
police in Florida said.
The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said that they have
arrested 18-year-old Malachi Love-Robinson, after he treated
an elderly woman for arthritis and took her checks, even
though he is not licensed to practice medicine.
Love-Robinson was charged with practicing medicine without
a license, fraud and grand theft.
The investigation started when the Department of Health
conducted an undercover operation at the medical office
of Love-Robinson. During this undercover operation, Love-
Robinson performed a physical exam on an undercover agent
and offered medical advice.
Additionally, an 86-year-old woman filed a complaint with
the police after she learned that Love-Robinson had stolen,
cashed, and forged her personal checks.
The best (or worst) part of the whole story is that this is
not the first time 'Doctor' Love-Robinson has pulled this
particular stunt.
In January of last year, he allegedly donned a doctor's coat
and roamed the halls of a local hospital. No charges were
filed after it was determined that he did not enter patients'
rooms or perform medical procedures.
This past October, Love-Robinson was issued a cease-and-
desist order after he allegedly operated another fake medical
practice in Boynton Beach.
Love-Robinson has since been released on $21,000 bond.
*-- Clumsy Criminal Crashed Through Ceiling of Popeyes --*
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a man who
fell through the ceiling of a Popeyes eatery was able to
open a safe after hours of prying and striking. The
Jacksonville County Sheriff's Office shared video of the
clumsy crook falling from the ceiling of the Popeyes
Louisiana Kitchen in Jacksonville and ending up on his
backside. The man does not appear seriously injured and
spends "several hours" prying and striking his way into
the eatery's safe. The post said the man was eventually
able to open the safe and fled with an undisclosed amount
of cash.
*---- Husband Assaults Wife Over Breastfeeding Baby ----*
A husband was arrested on a charge of assault after allegedly
shooting a gun at his wife because he got jealous that she
spent time with their baby, police in Minnesota said. Police
said that they have arrested 28-year-old Nicholas George
Lehmeier, after being accused of abusing his wife for more
than 10 years. The woman told the police that when she was
sitting on the couch with the baby, Lehmeier became upset
because she was spending time breastfeeding the child instead
of being with him. Lehmeier grabbed a shotgun, loaded it, and
pointed it at her and the child. He then pulled the trigger
of the gun, but it did not shoot.
*-- Valentine's Balloons Knock Out Power to 5,000 --*
LOS ANGELES - A California utility company said Valentine's
Day balloons elicited emotions other than love when they
struck lines and knocked out electricity to 5,000 customers.
Southern California Edison said a bundle of runaway Mylar
Valentine's Day balloons collided with power lines in South
Los Angeles Monday evening. "Metallic balloons look harmless,
but there's no way to overstate how dangerous they can be
when released outside," Paul Jeske, SoCal Edison's director
of corporate health and safety, said in a statement. The
utility released a warning prior to Valentine's Day asking
customers to avoid releasing the balloons outdoors or tying
them to a person's wrist, as that poses an electrocution risk.
*-- 5-story Slide Installed in Chinese Shopping Mall --*
SHANGHAI - Say what you like about the Chinese, but whether
they are building walls or slides, they like to go big. A
Shanghai shopping mall has installed a five-story-tall
stainless steel slide that brings shoppers to the ground
floor in 16 seconds. The slide, installed at the Printemps
shopping mall, is due to open to the public in the coming
weeks, but it has already attracted a lot of attention
online from social media users who question its safety.
Users of the Weibo microblogging site questioned whether
the rapid speed of the 66-foot slide would cause discomfort
to riders' backsides and lead to potentially dangerous
collisions, but mall managers said the slide has been
tested for safety and only one person will be allowed on
the ride at a time. The slide was built to resemble a dragon
because of China.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fran :)
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`~~~'----'' `'-.____....'
>My Younger Days
When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold my tummy in
to wear a belted dress.
But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.
Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But I used to wear a seven.
And how about those pantyhose-
They're sized by weight, you see.
So how come when I put them on,
The crotch is at my knees?
I need to wear these glasses
As the prints were getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to silver
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
Just the outside's changed a bit.
~ Maya Angelou ~
---
...LOL! Thanks Fran!
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,"=-.
/ _),`'".
( /a( ), )
) C = = ?/
( )) (_ o-<
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gpyy \_!
No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our
daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle,
I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a
little helmet.
The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-
checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of
the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my
leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in
the chin.
-<>-
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours
in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world
around him.
He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly
know, son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to
his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do
you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never
learn anything!"
-<>-
A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six-
month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby.
Two women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked.
"No, they're three months apart."
"My! You sure had them close together."
-<>-
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who
had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late
in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down
on my veranda for a few hours and relax.
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad,
fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon
boating or playing golf or tennis...
When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the
finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my
veranda again."
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be
envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She
asked, "What's his wife's name?"
Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."
-<>-
Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.
One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag
a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting
work; the guys were getting tired just watching.
Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and
they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders
and get a better view of their wives working.
This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately
led to television...and later to the remote control.
[From Dave Barry.]
-<>-
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.
"I thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing
to do with me."
"And that wasn't love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession. Then two years ago I
deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Was that love?"
"No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a
woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart,
funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met
on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit
of my stomach."
"Was that love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was seasickness."
=========================================================
>-->From LaughAndLift:
_*_ ....iiooiioo
__/_|_\__
[(o)_R_(o)] fe
*_Life is Precious_*
(Author Unknown)
Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in
a 55 zone .... 4th time in as many months.
How could a guy get caught so often? When his car had slowed to 10
miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop
worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will
tweak his backside with a mirror.
The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob
from church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse
than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his own
church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a
long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with
tomorrow.
Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a
man he'd never seen in uniform. "Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like
this." "Hello, Jack." No smile. "Guess you caught me red-handed in
a rush to see my wife and my kids."
"Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good.
"I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent
the rules a bit - just this once." Jack toed at a pebble on the
pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes
tonight. Know what I mean?"
"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in
our precinct."
Ouch! This was not going in the right direction. Time to change
tactics. "What'd you clock me at?"
"Seventy-one. Would you sit back in your car, please?"
"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I
was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every
ticket.
"Please, Jack, in the car."
Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door.
Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to
open the window. The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the
pad. Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? Whatever the
reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near
this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left.
There was Bob, a folded paper in hand. Jack rolled down the
window a bare two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the
slip.
"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.
Bob returned to his car without a word. Jack watched his retreat
in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this
one going to cost? Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke?
Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:
"Dear Jack,
Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a
car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months
in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All
three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait
until heaven before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand
times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again.
Even now... Pray for me. And be careful. My son is all I have
left.
Bob"
Jack twisted around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head
down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15
minutes later, he, too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying
for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he
arrived.
Life is precious. Handle with care.
-<>-
_,--, _
__,-'____| ___ /' |
/' `\,--,/' `\ /' |
( ) ( )'
\_ _/' `\_ _/ pb
""" """
*_My Bedside Table_*
Old age is catching up with me,
From my toes up to my head.
I felt it most while gazing
At this table by my bed.
I laid my hair piece over there,
My own has grown quite thin.
The hearing aid is next to it;
I'm deaf 'til its put in.
Also, I can't see a thing,
Without my glasses on.
They're beside my false teeth;
Yes, my own are gone.
I kinda get the feeling
As at those things I stare......
There's less of me here in this bed
Than on that table there.
-<>-
_____
/ \/_
//\__(\_\
|\ ^ ^ |
.//_O \O_ \
\_ (_) /
\ \_/ /
__/\ /\__
/ \ \ / / \
/ \/\/\/ \
/ | . | \
/ | . | \ JRO
*_The Pursuit of Happiness _*
(By Rich Mullins, Release Magazine Spring 1992, Copyright 1992 by
Release Magazine, reproduced with permission)
1. Forget about finding happiness. Happiness is not worthy of your
search.
2. Bake a cake - a really rich cake, preferably from scratch and
especially if you are an inexperienced baker or a tested, tried, &
notoriously awful cook. The value is in the baking more than in the
cake.
3. Call up some enemy of yours and invite that enemy to eat the cake
with you. If the cake is good you may lose an enemy and gain a
friend. If the cake is bad, at least vengeance is sweet.
4. If you can't think of a single enemy, then call up a friend.
Invite your friend over to eat the cake with you. If the cake is
good the favor may be returned. If the cake is awful your friend may
go buy one from a bakery for you. If you are without any enemies or
friends, take your cake to an old folks' home. Eat it with them!
If the cake is good you will no longer be without friends. If the
cake is terrible you will no longer be without enemies. Finding a
friend, making an enemy - now those are things worth pursuing.
Happiness may come tagged on - but even if it doesn't, at least you
will have done something and established some relationships.
5. Memorize Isaiah 40 or the first Psalm or Psalm 91. Read the
closing chapters of the Book of Job. Meditate on the Beatitudes
(Matthew 5). Write out one of the Prison Epistles (Galatians,
Ephesians, Philippians, Collosians) and send them to some other
unhappy person. All of this may not make you happy but it will
tell you how to be holy. Once you tie that knot you may find
yourself in a position to be made happy.
6. Work hard. Clean something. Find new and more space-efficient
ways of folding your clothes. Rake someone else's yard for them.
If you are unhappy maybe you can help someone else be less so.
7. Go back to the third chapter of Lamentations and then repeat
after me:
"It is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear
The yoke while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence
For the Lord has laid it on him."
8. Reread the 23rd Psalm and remember that if the Lord is your
shepherd, then you are in a lush pasture. You are by a still stream.
If it seems otherwise to you, it may be because you would rather be
happy than be God's. If this is so, then you have more reason to be
happy than anyone. God has chosen you - ungrateful, decadent you -
and being His is a joy and a happiness that goes beyond anything
else you may seek, and in your folly settle for. God will (in
His mercy) make you discontent with anything less than Him.
So we have only one step left...
9. Rejoice.
-<>-
_
|\_,,____
( o__o \/
/(..) \
(_ )--( _)
/ ""--"" \
,===,=| |-,,,,-| |==,==
|d | WW | WW |
|s | | | | |
*_The Three Little Pigs Eat Dinner_*
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order. "I would like a
Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders
for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached
the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third
little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,
"but why have you only ordered water all evening?"
You're gonna LOVE me for this.... Hold on to your seat.
At the risk of never receiving e-mail ever again........
,.
(_|,.
,' /, )_______ _
__j o``-' `.'-)'
(") \'
`-j |
`-._( /
hjw |_\ |--^. /
/_]'|_| /_)_/
/_]' /_]'
The third piggy says -
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
_SUBSCRIBE INFO_
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor
in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read
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=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Big Boy Toys!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html
Bucket List 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist2.html
Brilliant Logos!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/logos.html
Identity Theft 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html
Kodak Moments!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kmoments.html
Only ONE Job 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html
Fun With Statues!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funstatues.html
All Occasion Cars!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html
Extreme Rednecks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html
Morons At Work 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork2.html
Did You See That 2?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html
Texas Outhouse Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html
Cell Phone Madness!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone.html
Life's Little Oops 13!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops13.html
Got A Nanosecond 5!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano5.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 6!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver6.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Amish one pot Spaghetti Supper
http://tinyurl.com/zvyzbpd
Vanuatu president says nation must start anew after cyclone
http://tinyurl.com/zkblkde
Myles Munroe's Prophetic Dream
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=14951
Man Kicked out of Gym for Wearing Pro-Life Shirt
http://eaglerising.com/11634/man-kicked-gym-wearing-pro-life-shirt/
---
...Most Interesting! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
The best of babies escaping whatever prison their parents tried to
put them on. You may think your baby can't get out, but when given
time, these babies can get out of anything...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sDaRLZF9HqY
With their extraordinary flexibility and grace, these truly talented
acrobats give daring and mind-blowing performances that will leave you
dumbfounded as they turn, twist, balance and spin their bodies. This
video compilation does but a bit of justice to the wonders these
Chinese acrobats are capable of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_XXllk_rgbs
Watch this one very closely. It appears as if he's solving a Rubik's
Cube with one hand while tossing it behind his back and over his
shoulder. Then he solves a Rubik's Cube while it's sitting in Teller's
hand! But he couldn't actually be doing it, could he? Check out this
astonishing magician to see how he fooled Penn & Teller.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwDAXC0_Bxk&feature=player_embedded
---
...Tricky! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melinda :)
Texas Barn Find: Five Pre-war Automobiles Discovered
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4P9ABrcT9M&feature=em-share_video_user
Baby doesn't know who His Dad is.
http://tinyurl.com/h3y364j
Massive sea turtle wows dive master
http://tinyurl.com/jdary3c
The American College of Pediatricians has sounded the alarm over
the damage caused by the Gardasil vaccine.
http://tinyurl.com/jtjs8dy
16th -Century Prosthetic Iron Hand
http://tinyurl.com/hysuypf
Artist dots paper for 70 hours
http://tinyurl.com/jbpqqwa
---
...Wow! Intense art! Thanks Melinda!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100
pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they
pulled him over, he didn't resort to violins." -Seth Meyers
"Valentine's Day: the day women all around the world wait
eagerly to discover the new and wonderful ways their husbands
and boyfriends will disappoint them." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin.
Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom."
-Conan O'Brien
"Valentine's Day was yesterday. So, if I look like I didn't
get much sleep, it's because the couch was really
uncomfortable." -Seth Meyers
"I make my choice for president based on how well each
candidate would handle an alien invasion." -Jimmy Kimmel
"The former president of Trader Joe's is opening a store that
sells only expired food. The new store will be known as
7-Eleven." -Conan O'Brien
"A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold
for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive
thing you can point at someone right before they beat the
crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon
"Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology
that can tell if students are actually reading their text-
books. Let me save you some time. They're not."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in
your kitchen is the refrigerator's vegetable drawer. After
hearing this, most Americans said, 'We have a vegetable
drawer?'" -Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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