Paddy, Vinegar And Mexican Jews - Oh My!... :) Shangy!
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================
_____
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/; '/ , _`.-\
| '`. (` /` ` \`|
|:. `\`-. \_ / | Earth Day in the USA
| ( `, .`\ ;'|
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*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
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"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
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*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first flaming hot new page comes from our friend Linda.
If you love virtual travel then this one is for you. A most
interesting place! Be sure to check out the video's here too:
\` / | | \ '|
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jgs \\ /.\ //_/__ ',\_//__\\ [ \_/__/_
Shilin Stone Forest
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stoneforest.html
---
...Wowsers! I'm in awe! Thanks Linda!
This next red hot new page is from our friends Bunni and Deci.
This one is sure to give you plenty of ideas for any old tires
you might have laying around or may have in the future. You'll
love the artistic beauty and down to earth ideas presented here:
..-------------------.__
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// .-----.\.--------..--------.\
||' __'|| || || || __
||' .=(_ )|| ====== || ==.| ||( _)
||'| \\||________||________||//
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`=============`|| ||_ /////.--. = = `. .--.
| .---. || | .----|==| \ \ \ \|==|
| .' `. || | .' '--'. |-. | | .-|'--'`.
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| / .`.- -.`. \ '\_`---- / .`.- -.`. \ | ' '-|=|-' '_____/
[|_|/ / _ \ \|__________| / / _ \ \ `_____.......-----'_____]
; : / \ : ;'----------'; : / \ : ;[_____.......-----'; :
: ; \_/ ; : \ / / ; : \_/ ; : \ \ / /
\ \ / /. `- -` . \ \ / / LGB . `- -` .
. `- -` . `-----` . `- -` . `-----`
`-----` `-----`
Recycling Ideas 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/recycling3.html
---
...So many great ones! Thanks my friends!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
+
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| | | | | || ||
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---------------------
Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in
a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he
expected to repeat at meetings the next day.
Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he asked the on-location
reporter to omit them from any accounts he might turn in to his
newspaper.
The reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with,
"The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."
-<>-
"Darn!" the man said to his friend while weighing himself at the
local drug store scale, "I started on a new diet but the scale
says I'm heavier than I was before."
Turning to his friend, he said, "Here, hold my jacket."
The scale still indicated that he had not lost any weight.
"OK," he said to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies."
-<>-
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton
fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two
weevils.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
March 20 is International Earth Day, Extraterrestrial Abductions
Day and Proposal Day
March 21 is Credit Card Reduction Day, Fragrance Day, National
Agriculture Day and Tea for Two Tuesday
March 22 is National Goof Off Day
March 23 is Melba Toast Day, National Chip and Dip Day, National
Puppy Day and Near Miss Day
March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day
March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day
March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and National Spinach Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Retirement
I was enjoying the second week of my retirement the same way I had
enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.
I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain
jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered
her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and
the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The
final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and
nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation.
"That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed,
"but you don't work either!"
-<>-
>Cruise
A man was telling his friend about the cruise he had taken. He
said that the cabin on the ship was nice, but the washing machine
on the wall was terrible.
"That was a porthole," his friend explained to him.
"I see," said the man. "No wonder I never got my clothes back."
-<>-
>Social Skills
Our catering manager lacks certain social skills ... like knowing
when to keep her mouth shut.
While discussing a baby christening party with a young couple, she
told the mother, "You look like you've lost most of your pregnancy
weight."
"Thanks," came the clenched-teeth reply. "We adopted."
-<>-
>Job Application
I was applying for a job and the employment application clearly
stated: "Age of Father (if living)" and the same question for my
Mother.
I put down the figures 119 and 117 in the spaces provided. The
interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old.
I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."
-<>-
Bumpy Landing
As a nervous flyer, I was concerned when the plane bumped down
three times before coming to a stop in Calgary for a short
stopover.
I was seated at the back of the plane, and heard one flight
attendant say to another, "Wow! That was a bad landing!"
Imagine my horror when the other flight attendant replied, "Not
for him, it wasn't"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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>SMILES
He was in the living room opening the mail, and he got to the
package of his repaired cell phone. He unwrapped it and dialed
his wife's number, to see if it would work, right out of the box.
She answered from the kitchen, and he said, "Hi there."
She responded, "Hi, Sweetie. Let me call you back later; my
husband's in the other room."
--------
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Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after
looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit,
a French maid's outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally
decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.
--------
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help
me find my parents.
I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can
hide."
--------
A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends
was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came
home around 11:30 PM. One night she decided to try not to rouse
him.
She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed
naked into the bedroom -- only to find her husband, sitting up
in bed, reading.
"Darn woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose EVERYTHING?"
--------
"Hey, Domino's. I got your pizza and there ain't any toppings...
no nothin'...it's like only just bread!"
"Please give us your phone number and street address."
"Oh, wait, Never mind...I opened the box upside down!"
-------
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural
history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces
of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from
that?"
One child was ready with the answer, "They don't have a good
union!"
--------
We are now retired and on a fixed income and cutting back, so
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the
Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at
each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security,
Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
I've never felt safer, and I'm saving $49.50 a month!
--------
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking.
Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a
cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything
with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way 'Take
a clean dish and....'"
--------
On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down
in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft
reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet
and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.
"How romantic!" she thought.
Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to
be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal
mess.
Her harried husband, removing something indescribable from the
smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!” he vowed.
"Sorry it took me so long but I had to refill the pepper shaker."
"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"
"More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin; it through those
dumb little holes."
--------
After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to work to avoid
passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery
this morning and, as I approached, there in the window were a
host of goodies.
I felt this was no accident so I prayed... "Lord, it's up to You,
if You want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a
parking space for me directly in front of the bakery."
And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it
was! God is so Good!
-------
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There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all
of his money.
He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more
than just about anything.
Shortly before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I
die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he
died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, a few days later he died.
At his funeral, he was stretched out in the casket, His wife was
sitting there in black next to her closest friend.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got
ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a shoe box with her. She came over with the box and
placed it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that
money in the casket."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian. I can't lie. I
promised him that I was going to put all of his money in that
casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket
with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into
my bank account, and then wrote him a check for the total amount."
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->Tips From Our Friend Linda :)
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>20 Incredibly Helpful Things You Can Do With Vinegar!
White distilled and apple cider vinegar are all you need to
effectively clean and tidy your home! Vinegar is known as an
effective household cleanser that can be used to remove mold,
bacteria and germs due to its high level of acidity. Using
vinegar is a great way to avoid the use of harmful chemicals,
to be more friendly to the environment and is entirely more
economical than store-bought cleaning products.
Here are some great tips on how to use vinegar around the house.
Try out some of these solutions and vinegar will never just be
a salad dressing again!
For Appliances
1. Clean mineral deposits from steam irons
Fill up the iron's water tank with white vinegar and turn the
setting to steam. Steam-iron a used rag to clean out the steam
ports and then refill the tank with water. Finish by thoroughly
rinsing out the inside of the iron to remove the smell of vinegar.
2. Remove soap scum and mold from the washing machine
Once a month, add 1 cup white vinegar to the washing machine and
run it on a hot cycle without any clothes.
3. Clean rust from tools and bolts
Soak the rusted tool in white vinegar overnight, and when you
wake up in the morning, the rust will have disappeared!
4. Keep the garbage disposal smelling fresh and clean
Mix one cup of vinegar with water and fill up an ice cube tray.
Freeze the mixture overnight, then put the cubes in the garbage
disposal and grind them up. Flush down the ground cubes with
cold water to finish.
In the Kitchen
5. Remove stubborn stains from cups and pots
Fill up the stained cups and pots with vinegar overnight, then
rinse with hot soapy water in the morning.
6. Prevent misty spots on glassware
Place a cup of white vinegar in the bottom of the dishwasher and
run it for 5 minutes, and then for a full cycle. You can add a
cup of white vinegar through an entire cycle once a month to
reduce soap scum.
7. Eliminate odors in used jars
Clean out the peanut butter or mayonnaise jars with white vinegar
to remove any odor.
For Fabrics
8. Prevent lint from clinging to clothes in the dryer
Add one cup of vinegar to each wash load. We promise that you will
get used to the smell!
9. Deodorize a wool sweater
Wash the sweater regularly, then rinse it in equal parts vinegar
and water to remove the odor.
10. Remove sweat stains from clothes
We all have at least one shirt with dreaded sweat stains on it.
Apply a mixture of one part white vinegar and four parts water
and then rise in washing machine.
11. Prevent colors from fading
Soak the article in white vinegar for 10 minutes before putting
it in the washing machine.
12. Remove pet urine from carpets
Blot up the urine and flush it a few times with lukewarm water.
Then apply a mixture of equal parts vinegar and cold water, blot
it up again, rinse it with water and then let it dry.
For the Garden
13. Grow perfect azaleas
It is good to water the plants occasionally with two tablespoons
of white vinegar and one quart water. Azaleas love the acidic
soil.
14. Kill off weeds
Kill of weeds in the garden by pouring vinegar on them. Soon
they will disappear!
In the Bathroom
15. Clean soap scum, mildew and grime
Wipe the surface of a bathtub, tiles or a shower curtain with
white vinegar and then rinse it with water.
16. Unclog the shower head
Begin by unscrewing the shower head and removing the rubber
washer. Place the show head in a pot filled with equal parts
vinegar and water. Bring the contents to a boil and let simmer
for 5 minutes. The shower head will come out clean and shiny as
new.
All Over the House
17. Wash walls
Remove stains and odors from white walls by wiping them down
with a vinegar-water mixture.
18. Prolong the life of flowers in a vase
Add two tablespoons of white vinegar and three tablespoons of
sugar to a quart of warm water. Water the flowers so their stems
are in three to four inches of water.
19. Repel ants
Fill a spray bottle or mister with equal parts water and vinegar
and spray it around the door jambs, window sills, water pipes and
foundation cracks.
In the Car
20. Prevent ice from forming on the windshield overnight
Coat the window with a solution of three parts vinegar to one
part water and the ice just won't form!
---
...Excellent tips! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fran :)
// __
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>THE CHICKEN
There was a chicken what sat on a nest
She clucked and clucked and all the rest
For hours and days and weeks this went on
The days came, the days went, the sun was gone
Then one day she heard a peep, peep, peep
She thought it was a far away horn going beep, beep, beep
But lo and behold she felt a tiny kick
And when she looked down it was a tiny chick
What will I name her, thoughts through her head ran
I know, I know, I will call her Biddy Ann
The mama chicken was very, very proud
This pretty little chick is my daughter she said real loud
Frances Booth (aka: Carol Clarke)
Grama's Book - 1980's
---
...TeeHee! Such a cute one! Thanks Fran!
=============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
BREAKING: Whoa! What Trump Just Did For Flint Michigan Will
FLOOR YOU! The Media Will NEVER Report This!
http://tinyurl.com/kogdzkx
'Bad Dog!': Huckabee Slams Rapper Bow Wow for Tweet Targeting
Melania Trump
http://tinyurl.com/lo8a9jk
The New York Times: "To South Carolina District, Trump’s Tough
Budget Is a Promise Kept" - Read More
http://tinyurl.com/khbh4rf
President Trump Leads a Listening Session on Veterans' Affairs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c5PbF7wt3Q
Watch President Donald J. Trump's Weekly Address to the Nation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMoL-fZK64A
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
So often in Bizarre News we cover naked drunks, stupid
criminals and perverted exhibitionists, that every so
often it's nice to cover an unusual story that has a
positive conclusion for a change.
Stephen Parker of Sugar City, Idaho, was working on his
Toyota Prius, when the car jack slipped and the 6,000
pound car fell on top of him. Only his 8-year-old son
J.T. was outside to witness the accident.
Stephen managed to tell his son to lift the car jack
before he passed out.
The little boy, who weighs just 50 pounds, repeatedly
jumped up and down on the handle of to lift it.
After 15 minutes, he managed to lift the car enough for
his father to be freed. He then ran to find his older
brother who called for help while attending to his father.
Stephen was airlifted to the hospital. He survived despite
suffering 13 broken ribs.
The day after the incident, his family asked J.T. to lift
the car jack again, but as hard as he tried, he was unable
to do so. Now, J.T. was honored by the Red Cross for his
heroic act that saved his father's life.
-<>-
Every man has a limit beyond which it's dangerous to push
him. For the British man in today's story, that limit was
destroying his doll collection.
30-year-old Rickie La-Touche was found guilty of strangling
his wife, who he said had damaged his extensive collection
of Star Wars toys.
He met his wife in a bar while on vacation in Bangkok in
2001. They became involved and eventually married on his
fourth visit to Thailand in 2003.
But La-Touche told a court that 28-year-old Pornpilai
Srisroy had made his life hell. He claimed that Srisroy
had previously hit him with with a pool cue, and had
threatened to kill him while he was asleep and "cut him up
and eat him." She also threatened to leave him and return
to her native Thailand, in La Touche's account.
Then, one fateful morning last year, La-Touche showed up at
his mother's house in an agitated state. When his mother
asked him what was wrong, he replied he had "killed her".
He told the court his wife had damaged most of his
collection of Star Wars memorabilia, which he had built up
since he was a child and was worth thousands of pounds.
"She's put me through it before," he said. "I couldn't let
that happen again. I then just remember getting up from on
top of her."
La-Touche denied murder but pleaded guilty to manslaughter.
He was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of
parole after 12 years.
*----------- Dude, Where's My Cooler? -----------*
Police in Washington state said a cooler donated to a
Goodwill store turned out to contain something far more
valuable -- $24,000 worth of marijuana. Monroe police said
workers at the local Goodwill were sorting through donations
during the weekend when they came across the cooler. "This
cooler was donated over the weekend to the Goodwill.
Employees surprised when they opened the lid," police
tweeted. The cooler was found to contain multiple baggies
containing a total 3.75 pounds of marijuana, which police
estimated had a $24,000 street value. Police are
investigating and the Goodwill store is checking
surveillance footage to try to identify the person who
donated the cooler.
*--- Piano Found to Have Hidden Stash of Gold ---*
A British inquest is being held to determine the rightful
owners of a stash of gold coins found inside an antique
piano during restoration efforts. The Shrewsbury Coroner's
Court heard a repair worker hired by the instrument's new
owners discovered someone had previously stashed an
undisclosed number of gold coins inside the upright
piano -- coins that date between 1847 and 1915. The hoard
was initially brought to the attention of Peter Reavill,
who serves as finds liaison officer for the British Museum's
Portable Antiquities Scheme at Shropshire Museums. Reavill
did not reveal the worth of the coins, but he told the BBC
they represent "the potential of yielding a life-changing
sum of money." Experts said the gold could become the
property of the crown under the Treasure Act if the rightful
owners are not identified.
*---Is That 10 Lbs of Coke in Your Pants
or Are You Just Glad to See Me?---*
A man who arrived in New York from a trip to the Dominican
Republic was found to be sporting some unusual underwear -
10 pounds of cocaine. U.S. Customs and Border Protection
said Juan Carlos Galan Luperon, a U.S. citizen, was wearing
pants that "appeared to be rather snug" and was showing
signs of nervousness when he arrived at John F. Kennedy
International Airport following a trip to Santo Domingo,
Dominican Republic. Luperon was taken to a private search
room where officers found about 10 pounds of cocaine duct
taped around both of his legs. The cocaine was valued at
more than $164,000. "This seizure is another example of our
CBP officers being ever vigilant in protecting the United
States from the distribution of these illicit drugs," said
Leon Hayward, acting director of CBP's New York Field
Operations. Luperon was arrested and turned over to Homeland
Security Investigations to face narcotics smuggling charges.
*--- He Was Hoping to Make a 'Clean' Getaway ---*
Authorities in Oregon said a man who stole a street sweeper
led police on a 10-mile chase that reached speeds of up to
65 mph. Hillsboro police and the Washington County Sheriff's
Office said a private contractor was using the street
sweeper to clean a Winco parking lot about 3:45 a.m. Sunday
and got out of the vehicle to use a handheld leaf blower.
Investigators said a suspect, later identified as Tyler
Haugewood, 33, jumped into the street sweeper, which still
had its engine running, and sped away. Hillsboro police
pursued the street sweeper in a 10-mile chase that reached
speeds of 65 mph before the vehicle was stopped by spike
strips laid out by sheriff's deputies. Haugewood was arrested
and charged with vehicle theft, reckless driving, attempting
to elude, unlawful entry of a vehicle, unauthorized use of a
vehicle, and a parole violation.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
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>Redskins finally drop offensive name
I knew it would finally happen in an Obama PC world . . .
Neil Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the
team is dropping “Washington" from the team name, and it will
henceforth be simply known as "The Redskins."
It was reported that he finds the word 'Washington' imparts a
negative image of poor congressional leadership, mismanagement,
corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting
role-model for young fans of football!
-<>-
>Old Age Wisdom
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a
junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement
in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very
next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school
enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash
can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after
day, until finally the old man decided it was time to take some
action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists
as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said,
“You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your
exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I
was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar
if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The
kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this
time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really
putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll
only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his
offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the
wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down
the street.
“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet,
so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will
that be okay?”
“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re
going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter,
you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed
peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
-<>-
._-'-_ .
. ' /_-_-_\ ` .
.' |-_-_-_-| `.
ejm ( `.-_-_-.' )
!`. .'!
! ` . . ' !
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
/ / \ \
_-| \___ ___/ /-_
(_ )__\_)\(_/__( _)
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>Mexican Jews
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican
restaurant one day.
Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were
ever born and raised in Mexico?"
Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks." He
returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor,
the cook say no Mexican Jews."
Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies, "I
check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen.
While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe
that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered
everywhere."
The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook Manuel, he
say there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you absolutely certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't
believe there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter. "All we
have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and
Apple Jews, but No Mexican Jews."
-<>-
>Wedding Anniversary
A guy comes into work and announces, “Today is my wedding
anniversary.”
"Congratulations!" say all his co-workers.
“Five wonderful years, yes five really terrific years!”
"I thought you were married for longer than that?" quizzed Joe.
“Oh well, I'm just counting the good years, You know, five out
of 30 ain’t bad.” he retorted.
-<>-
>At my age... I love this!
I was lying around the other day, pondering the problems of the
world, and I realized that at my age I don't really give a
rat's patootie anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is
still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise
doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the good eyesight
to tell the difference!
-<>-
>Researchers Find...
Older people do not decline mentally with age, it just takes
them longer to recall facts because they have more information
in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer
struggles as the hard drive gets filled up, so too, do humans
take longer to access information, it has been suggested.
Researchers say this slowing down it is not the same as
cognitive decline. “The human brain works slower in old age,”
said Dr. Michael Ramscar, “but only because we have stored more
information over time “The brains of older people do not get
weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.”
-----------------
SO THERE! We’re Brilliant!
-<>-
_____
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>Baseball And Nuns
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.
THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM. BECAUSE THEIR
HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO
BADGER THE NUNS, HOPING THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO
ANOTHER AREA.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,
"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH. THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS
LIVING THERE."
THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID LOUDLY,
"I WANT TO MOVE TO MONTANA. THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING
THERE."
THE THIRD GUY YELLED, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO. THERE ARE ONLY
25 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE 3 MEN, AND
IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,
"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE."
---
...HaHa! Love em! Thanks Geniann!
=============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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'-\_=_/-' //
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|/|\ |
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| | |
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jgs /=|=\
(_/T\_)
During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief
account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all
those wonderful years with your wife?" an anonymous voice
yelled from the back of the room.
Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best
teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-
restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many other
qualities you wouldn't need if you had stayed single."
-<>-
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of
Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web
or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom
to a co-worker.
"I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers
have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're
doing."
-<>-
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that
a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall
down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to
bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's
face or show concern.
Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to
try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my
heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.
The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to
the coffee table for my pizza.
-<>-
"Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
I asked my friend.
"He wants to be a garbage man," he replied.
"That's an unusual ambition to have at such a young age."
"Not really. He thinks that garbage men work only on Tuesdays."
-<>-
__.------.
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A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows):
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into
the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in
this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note
to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached
the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and
crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to
the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He
was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.
-<>-
A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built
in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the
receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where
he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.
After several minutes of describing and explaining all about
the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man,
"We need individuals who are totally responsible."
The young man grinned and responded: "Well, I sure qualify.
Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong, I was
always responsible!"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
_________-----,
/\ / /\
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>The Top Reasons to Go to Work Naked
[Courtesy of topfive.com]
* Your boss is always yelling "I wanna see your arse in
here by 8:00!"
* Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to
work on your tan.
* Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human
Resources.
* "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
* To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down
your blouse.
* You want to see if it's like the dream.
* So that -- with a little help from Muzak -- you can add
"Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
* Splattering grease from deep fryer is really hard to get
out of your uniform.
* People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where
you keep them.
* Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to
work stoned.
* Keeps that snooty Ruth Bader-Ginsberg on her toes.
* Because the Bill Clinton insists when Hillary's out of
town.
-<>-
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>Ways to Know you're Cheap!
You attend a weekly coupon club.
You've been driving on the spare tire for over three months.
Fast food is your idea of fine dining.
You spend more time counting change during a single week
than you spend at church.
You're outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a
nickel.
You haven't purchased a name brand product in the past ten
years.
You take the pennies from the container next to the cash
register.
Your family gets presents a week after Christmas because
you love that fifty-percent discount.
Matinee. Every time.
Ramen flavors correspond to days of the week in your home.
-<>-
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His name is Odie ->Odie<-
He is a dog
He's known to fall over
When he's on the grog
>Defining Different Heights [Edited]
** Height of Isolation:
Two people sitting side by side using cell phones to
communicate with each other.
** Height of Cowardice:
Two persons fighting through text messages or on-line.
** Height of Helplessness:
Receiving no e-mails or text messages for a week.
** Height of Frustration:
The internet being down and/or no wifi.
** Height of Carelessness:
Writing a love e-mail and doing a 'Send To all' using Bcc
** Height of Achievement:
A person sending a text to a girl wanting to become friends
and getting a reply.
** Height of Timepass:
A person sending email to himself.
** Height of Expectation:
Sending Indian cricket team a text, wishing them to win
a match.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Mabel The Chicken!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chicken.html
Cat Owner Tips!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html
Kid Lessons!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidlessons.html
Baby's Firsts!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyfirsts.html
God Is Like...!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html
Notes To God!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html
Mini Baby Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baby.html
Making A Baby!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/makeababy.html
Small Thoughts!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smallthoughts.html
Fun Science Ads!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/science.html
Pucker Up, Baby!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html
Price Of Children!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/child.html
Kids Being Kids 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids2.html
Porcelain Doll Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/porcelaindoll.html
Amazing Cop Cars 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html
Real Drug Raid!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drugraid.html
Did You See That 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html
Parenting No-No's 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting3.html
Freaky Art Vans!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html
Amazing Human Progress!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanprogress.html
-<>-
>Please Follow Me On StumbleUpon Here:
http://tinyurl.com/kbqlyn9
-<>-
On March 23rd, the Satanic Temple in Georgia will go after the
Cobb County School District, to ask why Still Elementary School
has not yet accepted their "After School Satan Clubs."
Sign petition; encourage Cobb County School District to stand
strong
http://tinyurl.com/kyco3kv
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
She sent us one we have here...
Nap Time!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/naptime.html
---
...Very Sweet! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
You must watch to the end to see the amazing landing of that
last kite. And make sure your volume is turned up because the
music totally reflects the soaring of the kites -
Romancing The Wind
http://www.youtube.com/watch_p opup?v=nr9KrqN_lIg
---
...Stunning! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Fran :)
Ohio Boy’s $20 Gift to Soldier Multiplies
http://nethugs.com/heartwarming/ohio-boys-gift-to-soldier/
---
...Wonderful! Thanks Fran!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
The famous Piano Guys play another beloved carol. This time it's a
very moving rendition of "O Come, Emmanuel" shot on a movie set
that looks just like Old Jerusalem!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iO7ySn-Swwc
Shooting the video was no easy task for Joe Capra, since the only
ways of entry into Greenland are via plane, helicopter, snowmobile
or dogsled. The freezing Icelandic winds made shooting even more
of a challenge, but fortunately, everything came out just perfect!
I hope you enjoy this incredible time lapse of the aurora
borealis. - Two Lands - Greenland | Iceland
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UNg9gQsck1c
---
...Wow! Mesmerizing! Thanks LouiseAu!
I'm sure some sort of punishment is coming for this mischievous
5-year-old, but right now her mom is simply overcome with the
cuteness of the situation - and I was, too! She let the cow in
the house - a big no-no - and then she lied about it - a bigger
no-no! But you've got to see what happens next - it's adorable.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=M5H7uMq3mS8
---
...Awww, so adorably cute! Thanks LouiseAu!
You will be shocked at the number of different ways the driver of
this silver BMW manages to screw up backing out of her parking
spot. What's worse is that the guy in the green shirt tried to
help her before realizing she backed right into his car. She drove
away without saying a word about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYcsW48HHXM&feature=player_embedded
---
...Oh My Goodness! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Everyone's OK, but over the weekend off the coast of
Florida, a Carnival Cruise ship almost hit two jet skiers.
Today, the captain of the ship apologized and said, 'I'll
get them next time.'" -Conan O'Brien
"College students are out of town for spring break. This is
the time of year students take a well-deserved break from
partying and drinking at school to go party and drink on a
beach." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Police in South Carolina charged a substitute teacher last
week for allegedly being drunk while in class. Students
realized she was drunk after she kept referring to lunch
period as 'Miller time.'" -Seth Meyers
"This weekend, we all moved our clocks ahead by one hour.
In other words, that's our show, goodnight everybody!"
-Conan O'Brien
"Everyone is talking about the big snowstorm expected to
hit New York. In fact, some are saying we could experience
a whiteout. Things will even out on St. Patrick's Day when
we all experience a blackout." -Jimmy Fallon
"Taco Bell has announced that it is creating a hybrid of
its Quesalupas and Doritos Locos Tacos, called the Doritos
Quesalupa Crunch. Of course, if you can say that, you're
probably not drunk enough to eat it. -Seth Meyers
"This week, Wisconsin is hosting the U.S. Cheese Champion-
ship. Once again, the winner is expected to be 'Heart
Disease.'" -Conan O'Brien
"According to a new study, cats may have more potential
than dogs to sniff out bombs. They just won't bother to
tell you." -Seth Meyers
"The Centers for Disease Control reminds you, still the
best way to avoid contracting an STD is to get really into
Dungeons and Dragons in high school." -Jimmy Kimmel
"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you
know you'll grow out of it."
-- Doris Day
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their
way back home."
-- Robert Orben
"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television,
we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."
-- Johnny Carson
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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