Merry, Merry Christmas! ... :) Shangy!
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===========================
>--> ___
/ __'. .-"""-.
.-""-| | '.'. / .---. \
/ .--. \ \___\ \/ /____| |
/ / \ `-.-;-(`_),____.-'._
; ; `.-" "-:_,(o:==..`-. '. .-"-,
| | / \ / `\ `. \ / .-. \
\ \ | Y __...\ \ \ / / \/
/\ | | | .--""--.| .-' \ '.`---' /
\ \ / / |` \' _...--.; '---'`
\ '-' / jgs /_..---.._ \ .'\\_ `.
`--'` .' (_) `'/ (_) /
`._ _.'| .'
``````` '-...--'`
"A Visit From St. Nicholas"
by Clement Clarke Moore (ASCII art by joan stark)
`'`;,
___H_ _(`)
_ _ 'Twas the night before Christmas _/\ \ ( ) )
(o\_/o) and all through the house... /\__\\____\( )_)
|. .| Not a creature was stirring, ||""||''''| |`|
=\ /= not even a mouse. ~~~`""""`""""`~~~~~~
^ _ _ _ _
The stockings were hung |=| |=| |~| |=|
o _ by the chimney with care, | | | | | | | |
|(')---.| In hopes that St. Nicholas /(| /(| /(| /(|
|~~|o _ | would soon be there. (_/ (_/ (_/ (_/
|===|(')---.|
|~~| | The children were all nestled _,_
o _|=======| all snug in their beds, _,_(( )
|(')---.| While visions of sugar plums (( )`-`_,_
|~~| | danced in their heads. '-' (( )
|=======| `-`
o _ And Mamma in her 'kerchief, ___,
|(')---.| and I in my cap, /(__\ .---.
|~~| | Had just settled our brains |__)__| / \_\
|=======| for a long winter's nap. ,@@. .@@, |_____|\|
,@@ ^ @@, //. .\\
(IIIIIIIIIII) When out on the lawn `"\_=_/"` ( ^ )
) ; ( there arose such a clatter, \_=_/
( ;|; ) I sprang from my bed
( ;`|`; ( to see what was the matter. * ____ . *
) ;' | '; ( .'_ '.
(=@'--|--'@=) Away to the window ' ` `)a \ . '
) '; | ;` ( I flew like a flash, . * /_ |
( ;___|___; ) Tore open the shutters ,__.=' / + '
),;=======;,( and threw up the sash. + '.____.' .
~ ~ '
. . The moon on the breast ' * .
_\/ \/_ of the new-fallen snow
_\/\/_ Gave the lustre of mid-day . *
_\_\_\/\/_/_/_ to objects below. _ _H_ +
/ /_/\/\_\ \ + [_] (_)_
_/\/\_ When, what to my wondering |=( : ) .
/\ /\ eyes should appear, ' |( : )
* : * ' But a miniature sleigh, `~~`~~`"""`~~`~
. _\/ \/_ . and eight tiny reindeer.
* \ \ / / * __. .--,
-=>: X :<=- With a little old driver, .=,{\/ _/ /`)
* / _/ \_ \ * so lively and quick, . ' (`._(_.;` /
' /\ /\ ' I knew in a moment . ' \_________/
* ' * it must be St. Nick. (___Y_____Y___,
.-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, . '
.-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, ) More rapid than eagles
`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )< his coursers they came.
/< <\ /< /< /< /< And he whistled and shouted,
and called them by name,
\ / \ /
_\/ \/_ "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! _\/ \/_
_\-'"'-/_\ / Now, Prancer and Vixen! _\-'"'-/_
(_, ,_)\/ \/_ On, Comet! On, Cupid! (_, ,_)
| ^ ^ | _\-'"'-/_ On, Donder and Blitzen! /| 6 6 |
| | (_, ,_) _\/ \/_| |
| Y | | o o | To the top of the porch! _\-'"'-/_ | Y |
`._|_.' | | To the top of the wall! (_, ,_)'._|_.' /
| 0 | Now dash away! Dash away! | ^ ^ | \/ \/_
\ / '._|_.' Dash away all! | | _\-'"'-/_
_\/ \/_ | @ |(_, ,_)
_\-'"'-/_ As dry leaves that before \ '._|_.'/ | 0 0 |
(_, ,_) the wild hurricane fly, _\/ \/_ | |
| 9 9 | When they meet with an _\-'"'-/_ | \_/ |
| | obstacle mount to the sky; (_, ,_) '._|_.'
| V |/ \/_ | a a |
'._|_.'\-'"'-/_ So up to the house-top | |
(_, ,_) the coursers they flew, | Y | '97
| e e | With the sleigh full of toys, '._|_.' jgs
| | and St. Nicholas too.
| Y |
'._|_.' And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
, , The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
, # # ,
___#_#______#_#___ As I drew in my head, .-""",
[__________________] and was turning around, /____, \
|=_/\ /\ /\ /\ =| Down the chimney Saint Nicholas {_____}`{}
|- \ \\ \\ \\ \_-| came with a bound. (/ . . \)
|=-(_/(_/(_/(_/_=| {`-=^=-`}
|_| {.'.} |=| He was dressed all in fur, { ` }
|=| o _\~~\ o |=| from his head to his foot. { }
_|-| !(__,__| ! |-|_ And his clothes were all { }
/==_| ! _,_.__ ! |=_-\ tarnished with ashes and soot; `-,-`
|jgs|/^\^=^^=^/^\| _=|
A bundle of toys
he had flung on his back,
_....,_ And he looked like a \*/
_.-` _,..,_'. peddlar just opening his pack. __\\U//__
_,-`/#o \ '. |\\ | | \\|
'-.\___/.-` His eyes-- how they twinkled! | \\| |\ \|()-()
His dimples how merry! |\ \| |\\ |/. .\
His cheeks were like roses, |\\ | | \\|\ Y /_
__.--~~.,-.__ his nose like a cherry! .--.| \\| |\ O__`&`__O
`~-._.-(`-.__`-. /____\\ \| |\\ |/ \
\ `~~` His droll little mouth \~~~~/"[B]"""""()/^\()
.--./ \ Was drawn up in a bow, `--` [A][C]
/# \ \.--. And the beard of his chin
\ / /# \ was as white as the snow;
'--' \ / _...._
'--' The stump of a pipe .::o:::::.
_ he held tight in his teeth, .:::'''':o:.
{_} And the smoke it encircled ::: :::
/ \ his head like a wreath; :o:_ _:o:
/ \ `:}_>()<_{:'
/_____\ He had a broad face `'//\\'`
{`_______`} and a little round belly, // \\
// . . \\ That shook when he laughed, /' '\
( (__O__) ) like a bowl full of jelly.
{[]==u `-'}
{ } He was chubby and plump, ____
/{ }\ a right jolly old elf, .'` `\
/ '. .' \ And I laughed when I saw him, ;---.._ \
/_/ `"` \_\ in spite of myself; ,=,==, \_...__\ |
{__}###[_]###{__} __\|_/__ | a - '.|
(_/\_________/\_) A wink of his eye | || |--.o.--'(_)
|___|___| and a twist of his head, | || |-' = '-` )-.
jgs |--|--| Soon gave me to know |___||___| ) \
(__)`(__) I had nothing to dread. |"""||"""| ) |
|__ || _| ) |
He spoke not a word, /` )||__\'\;'--.-' |
but went straight to his work, \ /`-;( / .' /
And filled all the stockings; '-.; '--| ; .-'|
[IIIII] then turned with a jerk, `'--.;--'...-'
[IIIII]=|
|=====|=| And laying his finger
|=====| | aside of his nose,
| | | And giving a nod, _/\_ __/\__
| | | up the chimney he rose; ) (_ _) .' (
| | \ `) '.( ) .' (`
| ; \ He sprang to his sleigh, `-._\()/__(~`
|`'. \ \ to his team gave a whistle, ()()
\ ; \ \ And away they all flew / |`\
\' \.'| like the down of a thistle. ) : (
\ .'|_/ `)_/`
'._:_/ But I heard him exclaim,
Ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night !"
__. .--,
.-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, _.-.=,{\/ _/ /`)
.-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, ) _..-'`-(`._(_.;` /
`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )<`--''` (__\_________/___,
/< <\ /< /< /< /< (_____Y_____Y___,
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.
>-->From The FunnyBone:
The Blond and the Snow Storm
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow .. ..
storm. She remembered what her dad had '\ /'
once told her. "If you ever get stuck \\//
in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow _.__\\\///__._
and follow it." ' ///\\\ '
//\\
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and ./ \.
she started to follow it. She followed '' ''
the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was
doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck
in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart, now you
can follow me over to K-Mart"
======================================================================
+-------------- Bizarre Christmas Traditions --------------+
In Italy they have no Christmas trees. Instead they
decorate small wooden pyramids with fruit.
Ukranians decorate their trees with an artificial spider
and matching web. A spider web found on Christmas morning
is believed to bring good luck.
The citizens of Caracas, Venezuela block off the streets
on Christmas eve so that people can roller-skate to God's
house.
It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while
mixing the Christmas pudding will come true only if the
ingredients are stirred in a clockwise direction.
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the
head of a pig prepared with mustard.
Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes
bad etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily
printed in red.
In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house
are hidden because long ago it was believed that witches
and mischievous spirits came out on Christmas Eve and
would steal their brooms for riding.
===================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Patricia :)
This is just so "RIGHT" from a very dear freind of mine at that!!!
Luv' all!
I bought a bird feeder. I hung
it on my back porch and filled
it with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it is, as I filled it
lovingly with seed. Within a
week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
easily accessible food.
But then the birds started
building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.
Then came the poop. It was
everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table ...
everywhere!
Then some of the birds
turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own
pocket.
And others birds were
boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night
and demanded that I fill it
when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even
sit on my own back porch
anymore. So I took down the
bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned
up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built
all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like
it used to be . quiet, serene
and no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.
Now let's see ..
Our government gives out
free food, subsidized housing,
free medical care, and free
education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic
citizen.
Then the illegals came by the
tens of thousands. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for
free services; small apartments
are housing 5 families; you
have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by an emergency room doctor;
your child's 2nd grade class is
behind other schools because
over half the class doesn't speak
English.
Corn Flakes now come in a
bilingual box; I have to
"press one" to hear my bank
talk to me in English, and
people waving flags other
than "Old Glory" are
squawking and screaming
in the streets, demanding
more rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe
it's time for the government
to take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, pass it on; if not,
continue cleaning up the poop!
---
...Yeah! Thanks Pat!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Becky :)
WRITTEN BY A 15 yr. Old SCHOOL KID IN ARIZONA :
New Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME) !
Since the Pledge of Allegiance And The Lord's Prayer
are not allowed in most public schools anymore
because the word 'God' is mentioned.... A kid in
Arizona wrote the following NEW School prayer:
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks..
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
If you aren't ashamed to do this,
Please pass this on.
Jesus said,
'If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before my Father.'
Not ashamed. Pass this on.
----
...Thanks Becky! This is so good, it reminds me of this one:
Lamb Of God
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/lamb.html
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.
- TEACH THE CHILDREN - Author Unknown
ASCII art by joan stark
_
(__/_) .-'''''-.
_ | |'-----'|
/ \|ate one Christmas Eve, I sank back, |-.....-|
\__|\_ tired but content, into my | |
easy chair. The kids were in bed, the gifts | |
were wrapped, the milk and _,._ | |
cookies waited by the __.o` o`"-. | |
fireplace for Santa. .-O o `"-.o O )_,._ | |
( o O o )--.-"`O o"-.`'-----'`
'--------' ( o O o)
`----------`
As I sat back admiring the tree with its decorations,
I couldn't help feeling that something |
important was missing. It wasn't \ ' /
long before the tiny, twinkling -- (*) --
tree lights lulled me to sleep. >*<
I don't know how long I slept, >0<@<
but all of a sudden I knew that >>>@<<*
I wasn't alone. >@>*<0<<<
>*>>@<<<@<<
I opened my eyes, and you can >@>>0<<<*<<@<
imagine my surprise when I saw >*>>0<<@<<<@<<<
Santa Claus himself standing >@>>*<<@<>*<<0<*<
next to my Christ- \*/ >0>>*<<@<>0><<*<@<<
mas tree. __\\U//__ >*>>@><0<<*>>@><*<0<<
|\\ | | \\| >@>>0<*<0>>@<<0<<<*<@<<
He was dressed | \\| | _(UU)_ >((*))_>0><*<0><@<<<0<*<
all in fur from |\ \| || / //||.*.*.*.|>>@<<*<<@>><0<<<
his head to his |\\_|_|&&_// ||*.*.*.*|_\\db//__
foot just as """"|'.'.'.|~~|.*.*.*| _____|_
poem described him, |'.'.'.| ^^^^^^|____|>>jgs>>|
but he was not the ~~~~~~~~ '""""`-------'
"jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood
before me looked sad and disappointed. And there were
tears in his eyes.
____ "Santa, what's wrong?" I asked.
;` `'-._ "Why are you crying?"
/ \ /\
/` \ | ; "It's the children." Santa
/ \ | | replied sadly.
/ `\ | |
/ \_ / | "But Santa, the children love
; / `\ | you." I said.
,|_ __ \__/ |
_\_o/_( |_ "Oh, I know they love me, and
/`"=/\==""=="=="=="=="`\ they love the gifts I bring
| )/ | them," Santa said, "but the
\ / children of today seem to
/';=""==""==""==""==";`\ have somehow missed out on
| /` /~\ /~\ `\ | the true spirit of Christmas.
| \ _ \o/ \o/ _ / | It's not their fault. It's
\ ; (_) ` o (_) ; / just that the adults,
/ |\_.-""(__)""-._/| \ many of them not having
| \ /\ / | been taught themselves,
/ '.___.' '.___.' \ have forgotten to teach
| ,==, | the children."
| ' ' |
\ / "Teach them what?" I asked.
| |
\ / Santa's kind old face became
'. .' soft, more gentle. His eyes
jgs '-.__ __.-' began to shine with something
'---'--'---' more than tears. He spoke softly.
"Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas.
Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear,
and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the
symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas
which we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly
represent."
| Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a
\|/ tiny Christmas tree and set it on my mantle.
\\|// "Teach them about the Christmas tree.
\\\Y/// Green is the second color of Christmas.
\\\|/// The stately evergreen,
\\\\Y//// with it's unchanging color,
\\\\|//// represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus.
`\\Y//` It's needles point heavenward as a reminder
`#` that man's thoughts should turn
__#__ heavenward as well."
[_ _]
\___/ Santa reached into his bag again
and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at
the top of the small tree. * ' . .
"The star was the heavenly sign . | .
of promise. God promised a Savior \ | / +
for the world and the star was * \|/
the sign of the fulfillment of --==> * <==-- '
that promise on the night that + /|\ .
Jesus Christ was born. . / | \
Teach the children that God . ' | ' *
always fulfills his promises, |
and that wise men still seek Him." . ' .
"Red," said Santa, "is the first color of Christmas."
He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree.
____ "Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the
.' '. color of the life-giving blood that flows
/ # \_ through our veins. It is the symbol of
| {_{c} God's greatest gift. Teach the children
\ / `\ that Christ gave his life and shed his
'.____.' (__) blood for them that they might have
eternal life. When they see the color
red it should remind them of that most wonderful gift."
Santa found a silver bell in his pack and placed it on
the tree. "Just as lost sheep are guided ,
to safety by the sound of the bell, it /\`--.
continues to ring today for all to be |o-| )D
guided to the fold. Teach the children \/.--'
to follow the true Shepherd, who gave
His life for the sheep."
Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The
soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room.
"The glow of the candle represents how man
( can show his thanks for the gift of God's
,=(,)=, son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach
|'==='| _, the children to follow in Christ's
| |,)/( footsteps. To go about doing good.
| |)/<_, Teach them to let their light so
>>>\, _/<8<-_/ shine before men that all may see
>>>>>>oo<<)\( it and glorify God. This is what
>>>>>>o<<<\/ is symbolized when the twinkle lights
shine on the tree like hundreds of
bright, shining candles, each of them representing
one of God's precious children, their light shining
for all to see."
Again Santa reached into his bag and this time he
brought forth a tiny red and white striped cane.
As he hung it on the tree he spoke softly.
"The candy cane is a stick of hard white candy. _._
White to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless /\|/\
nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the /\/ )-|
Solid Rock, the foundation of the church, and /\/ `"
the firmness of God's promises. The candy cane /\/
is in the form of a "J" to represent the /\/
precious name of Jesus, who came to earth /\/
as our Savior. It also represents the /\/
crook of the Good Shepherd, which He uses `"
to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out
the fallen lambs who, like all sheep, have gone astray.
The original candy cane had three small red stripes,
which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by
which we are healed, and a large red stripe that
represents the shed blood of Jesus, so that we can have
the promise of eternal life.
Teach these things to the children."
,....,
,;;:o;;;o;;, Santa brought out a beautiful wreath
,;;o;'''''';;;;, made of fresh, fragrant greenery and
,;:;; ;;o;, tied with a bright red bow. "The bow
;o;; ;;;; reminds us of the bond of perfection,
;;o; ;;o; which is love." "The wreath embodies
';;;, _ _ ,;;;' all the good things about Christmas
';o;;/_\/_\;;o;' for those with eyes to see and hearts
';;\_\/_/;;' to understand. It contains the colors
'//\\' of red and green and the heaven-turned
jgs // \\ needles of the evergreen. The bow tells
|/ \| the story of good will towards all and
its color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice.
Even its very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and
the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle,
without beginning and without end.
These are the things you must teach the children."
"But where does that leave you Santa?" I asked.
The tears gone now from his eyes,
a smile broke over Santa's face.
"Why bless you, my dear," he laughed,
"I'm only a symbol myself. I represent the
_... spirit of family fun and the
o_.-"` `\ joy of giving and receiving.
.--. _ `'-._.-'""-; _
.' \`_\_ {_.-a"a-} _ / \ If the children are
_/ .-' '. {c-.-o-.){\|` | taught these other things
(@`-._ / \{ `~^~`} \\ _/ there is no danger that
`~\ '-._ /'. } \} .-. I'll ever be forgotten."
|>:< '-.__/ '._,} \_/ / ())
| >:< `'---. ____'-.|(`"` "I think I'm
\ >:< \\_\\_\ | ; beginning to understand
\ \\-{}-\/ \ at last." I replied.
\ '._\\' /)
'. /( "That's why I came,"
'97 `-._ _____ _ _____ __.'\ \ said Santa. "You're an
jgs / \ / \ / \ \ \ adult. If you don't
_.'/^\'._.'/^\'._.'/^\'.__) \ teach the children these
,==' `---` '---' '---' ) things, then who will?"
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""`
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.
>-->From SermondFodder:
Christmas Tidbits
After turning eighty, Marie found that shopping for Christ-
mas gifts had become too difficult, so she decided to send
checks to everyone instead. She wrote, "Buy your own
present" on each card and mailed them early.
Marie enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities. Only
after Christmas did she find the gift checks on her desk,
which she had forgotten to enclose.
===
The children of our parish in Tokyo had been practicing
their Christmas play. Right on cue, the innkeeper said,
"There is no room."
No one was prepared for Joseph when he turned to Mary and
said, "I told you to make reservations!"
===
"I read this in the wall street journal today: The new trend
in Christmas cards this year are 'DVD cards' - instead of a
letter about your family and what you did this year, you put
your yearly memories on a DVD which I really enjoy getting,
you know why? They make great coasters." --Jay Leno
===
"But how about Christmas? It's exciting, isn't it? Isn't it?
I was up shopping at Bloomingdale's today and I was in the
elevator and they were playing - Kenny G was playing in the
elevator and I gave him a nice tip." --Dave Letterman
===
"Oh, look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to
have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast
food, and beer. Who'd have ever guessed that product con-
sumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix
so harmoniously?" -Calvin & Hobbes
===
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a
modern-day parable drop a note to
Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-<>-
>A POW Christmas Story
As a POW, my captors would tie my arms behind my back and then loop
the rope around my neck and ankles so that my head was pulled down
between my knees. I was often left like that throughout the night.
One night a guard came into my cell. He put his finger to his lips
signaling for me to be quiet, and then loosened my ropes to relieve
my pain. The next morning, when his shift ended, the guard returned
and retightened the ropes, never saying a word to me.
A month or so later, on Christmas Day, I was standing in the dirt
courtyard when I saw that same guard approach me. He walked up and
stood silently next to me, not looking or smiling at me.
After a few moments had passed, he rather nonchalantly used his
sandaled foot to draw a cross in the dirt. We stood wordlessly
looking at the cross, remembering the true light of Christmas, even
in the darkness of a Vietnamese prison camp. After a minute or two,
he rubbed it out and walked away.
That guard was my Good Samaritan. I will never forget that man and I
will never forget that moment. And I will never forget that, no
matter where you are, no matter how difficult the circumstances,
there will always be someone who will pick you up and carry you.
John McCain
www.johnmccain.com
======================================================================
>-->In The Wordly News:
>From Liberty Coucil:
50 victories for liberty
With this year quickly coming to an end, I have prepared
a special report for you outlining 50 victories for liberty
in 2007.
Please go here to have immediate access to this report:
http://www.libertyaction.org/10181/offer.asp?rid=11737726
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- 'Spider-Man' scales London building -------------
LONDON - French "Spider-Man" Alain Robert has scaled the
more than 20-story Portland House building in London to
raise awareness about global warming. Robert, sporting a
T-shirt advertising the Web site thesolutionissimple.org,
was arrested after he climbed the 331-foot-tall building,
The Times of London reported Wednesday. Police, who
cordoned off the area during Robert's stunt, arrested the
climber, once he completed his assent, on suspicion of
criminal damage and wasting police time. He was being held
Tuesday in a London police station. Robert has climbed more
than 70 of the world's tallest and most famous structures,
including Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Empire State Building
in New York and the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur. The
climber, who was given the nickname "Spider-Man" for his
wall-scaling abilities, performs the feats with no
equipment or safety nets.
-- Flight attendant suspended over muffin -----------
LONDON - A British flight attendant was suspended for help-
ing himself to an uneaten muffin while busing a passenger's
tray. British Airways said the move was made because the
employee was suspected of theft and the incident was being
taken "extremely seriously." The Sun reported Wednesday the
suspension had many British Airways employees up in arms as
well. Some called it an overreaction to an incident involv-
ing a muffin that was headed for the trash bin. Others said
the airline had become increasingly "heavy-handed" in its
treatment of its employees.
-- Wild ending to school Christmas pageant ----------
HIGH POINT, N.C. - Parents videotaping a North Carolina
school Christmas pageant got a bonus of sorts when a wild
fight broke out in the audience. WGHP-TV in High Point,
N.C., said Wednesday that several parents sent in their
video footage after the Tuesday night event at Oak Hill
Elementary School degenerated into name-calling and
fisticuffs, not to mention hair-pulling and a few thrown
chairs. Some parents said the fight broke out among three
women who had a long history of disdain for one another.
More adults either joined in or were trying to separate
the combatants. Police were summoned but most everyone
had split by the time the squad cars arrived. "We were
there to see our children," Marseddez Lopez told WGHP.
"It's not fair to them."
-<>-
>From CoffeeBreak:
52 drivers make Santa's naughty list
Sheriff's deputies in a California county issued 52
citations to drivers who made it onto an undercover Santa's
naughty list. The Riverside County deputies spent three
hours Tuesday morning observing the reactions of drivers
to a sergeant dressed as Santa Claus repeatedly crossing
the road at a pedestrian crosswalk, the Riverside (Calif.)
Press-Enterprise reported Wednesday. Citations were
issued to drivers who failed to yield to the brightly
colored pedestrian, as well as some who made obscene
gestures toward Sgt. St. Nick. Additionally, seven cars
were impounded when their operators were found to be
driving with suspended licenses or no licenses at all.
One arrest warrant was served. "The main thing is we're
out here for traffic safety. We're out here to inform and
educate the public about the importance of being aware of
their surroundings at all times -- that includes our
school zones and crosswalks," said Lt. Dave Fontneau of
the Lake Elsinore station. "Oftentimes we're distracted."
Police: Driver tries to escape in car wash
Authorities in Fond du Lac, Wis., said a suspected drunk
driver attempted to shake a Sheriff's Department reserve
officer by driving through a car wash. The Fond du Lac
County Sheriff's Department said in a release that the
reserve officer stopped the driver on suspicion of drunken
driving near a gas station and the driver attempted to
flee by driving through the station's car wash, allegedly
nearly striking a Fond du Lac Police Department officer
when the vehicle sped out the other side, the Fond du Lac
Reporter said Monday. The release said police took up the
chase, eventually stopping the driver four miles down the
road. The report said city and county officers used a Taser
on the 18-year-old man behind the wheel of the car before
taking him into custody. An 18-year-old woman who was
riding in the car was also taken into custody, but was
later released. The driver has been charged with eluding
an officer, drunken driving, second offense, driving with
a suspended license and open intoxicants in vehicle.
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
I had volunteered to tar the
roof on my father's shed. I was about halfway done when I
slipped and fell flat on my face getting black goop all
over my shirt, my pants, even my hair. Hearing the thud,
Dad looked up. "What happened?"
I got up and began to say, "All I did was..." when my feet
shot out from under me and I flipped into the tarry mess a
second time.
"You know," Dad said dryly, "you could have just told me."
-<>-
WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) is proud to announce
the opening of its "EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!"
The course covers two days, and topics covered include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS. Step by step guide with slide
presentation.
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable
discussion.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR. Practicing with
hamper (Pictures and graphics).
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR
DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL. Losing the remote control - Help line and
support groups.
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS. Starting with looking in the
right place instead of turning the house upside down while
screaming - Open forum.
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE
TRASH? Group discussion and role play.
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR
HEALTH. PowerPoint presentation.
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. Real life testimonial
from the one man who did.
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL
PARKS? Driving simulation.
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER
AND YOUR PARTNER. Online class and role playing.
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO
BE LATE. Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL
THE TIME.
-<>-
A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp
steamer to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom
instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel
of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a
heading, and the young fellow holds to it.
Then the mate orders, "Come starboard."
Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the
young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor.
The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm
swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the
circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship
with you?"
-<>-
One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks
in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned
to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I
got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at
me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said.
"Now you be good. Okay?"
From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay."
================================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
Q. Where did the capital of Louisiana get its name?
A. Baton Rouge, translated from the French, means "red
stick", and came from the red cypress trees that
once marked the boundary between local Indian tribes.
****
Man is like an automobile... As it gets older, the differential starts
slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad.
The transmission won’t go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty
getting out of low. Overdrive is out of the question! The cylinders get
worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest
incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point
where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top. The carburetor
gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get
started in the morning. His gas fumes can kill ya! It is hard to keep
the radiator filled because of the leaking hose. His frame has a big bow
in the middle too. The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach
operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery needs
constant recharging. His shifter is stuck in the down position which is
the ‘low position’ and ya can’t get any where that way. But if the body
looks good, we can keep it washed and polished, giving the impression it
can compete with newer models and make one more trip down the primrose
lane before the head gasket blows. Gentlemen...start your engines!
-<>-
If you don't laugh at least once while reading this there is something
wrong with you
STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across
was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the
taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
to safety....
WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I
loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed
the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time;
I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between
the prongs.
Awesome!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Betty what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,
right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of
a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised.
Was I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
and a major loss of bodily control;
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible
way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad...
I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in
the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked
under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat
was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it
again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second
burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-GUN... that hurt like hell! A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits
what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
How did they up get there?
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I’m still looking for various body parts…
-<>-
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were
sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan
Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the
perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.
"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang...
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a
Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
And so do I!
MERRY CHRISTMAS
-<>-
>Mistletoe at the Airport
It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he
was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky
red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions
of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly
tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.
Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one
suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real
mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder
parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that
could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he
said to the attendant,
"Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a
ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."
(pause)
"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd
have to step forward for a kiss."
"That's not why it's there."
(pause)
"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"
"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."
========================================================================
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A SNOWMAN
by Frank Brothers
__ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\
\/ \/ \/ \/
.\/. It's okay if you're a little bottom .\/.
-=><=- heavy -*- Hold your ground, even -=><=-
'/\' when the heat is on. -*- Wearing '\/'
__ /\ __ white is always appropriate. -*- __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ -*- Winter is the best of the four \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> seasons. -*- It takes a few extra <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ rolls to make a good midsection. /_,/\,_\
\/ -*- There is nothing better than a \/
.\/. foul-weather friend. -*- The key to .\/.
-=><=- life is to be a jolly, happy soul. -=><=-
'/\' -*- It's not the size of the carrot, '\/'
__ /\ __ but the placement that counts -*- __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ We're all made up of mostly water. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> -*- You know you've made it when <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ they write a song about you. -*- /_,/\,_\
\/ Accessorize! Accessorize! Access- \/
.\/. orize! -*- Avoid yellow snow. -*- .\/.
-=><=- Don't get too much sun. -*- Don't -=><=-
'/\' put someone else's corncob pipe in '/\'
__ /\ __ your mouth - you never know where __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ it's been. -*- It's embarrassing \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> when you can't look down and see <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ your feet. -*- It's fun to hang out /_,/\,_\
\/ in your front yard. -*- Always put \/
.\/. your best foot forward. -*- There's .\/.
-=><=- no stopping once you're on a roll. -=><=-
'/\' . _{_}_ * '/\'
__ /\ __ + /_..._\ + __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ * /` `\ \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> | _.-----._ | <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ ,_ \/ o o \/ . _ /_,/\,_\
\/ \| | V | , |/ * \/
.\/. + _\\ . \ '...' / \//--. .\/.
-=><=- ` \\/ |`'-----;`\-.//_ -=><=-
'/\' .--\\ .'-.____.|-(.// , . '/\'
__ /\ __ \) _ \ \/ '-'\ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ * ; (_) | |;.__/ + \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> " "" | _ \ \| . "" <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ """" "| (_) \_.;"" "" /_,/\,_\
\/ "" \ / "" " \/
.\/. "" .. '._ _.' H A P P Y .\/.
-=><=- .. '-----' H O L I D A Y S-=><=-
'/\' """ .. """ '/\'
__ /\ __jgs ""__ /\ __ "" __ /\ __ ""__ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\
\/ \/ \/ \/
=========================================================
>-->Fun Places To Net Visit :)
Who Is He?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/who.html
One Day!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/oneday.html
Christian Position In Christ
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/christianposition.html
Awesome Photos
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesome.html
God Is Like
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html
Winter Wonderland: Christmas in Vienna
http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=9086
ELF MADNESS
Put yourself, family and friends into this series of
ridiculously silly holiday greetings Starring You!
http://tinyurl.com/2ntbuu
IT'S A JIBJAB LIFE
Put yourself, family and friends into a parody of the
holiday movie classic using JibJab's 'Starring You!' technology!
http://tinyurl.com/2w28zv
HAPPY HOLIDAYS cards from JIBJAB
http://tinyurl.com/2k9r7s
-<>-
>From Our Friend Barbara :)
Reason for-the-Season Video
http://worriersanonymous.org/Share///Christmas1.html
-<>-
>From Our Friends Barb & Tony in Australia :)
Christmas Dinner
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files/
-<>-
>From Our Friend Patricia :)
An Angel For You
http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/photos/browse/1f2a
-<>-
>From LynnLynnLinks:
hyacinth---- In The Bleak Midwinter
http://hyacinth.webbywarehouse.com/poetry/inthebleakmidwinter.html
Christmas Invitation Via Carol
http://livingeachday.com/c_invitation/
Junebug w/ Rudolph
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com./Junebugs/Holidays/Rudolph.html
Cyberspace Christmas Vis Juanita
http://tcastle.com/ccmas.html
Sadie's Christmas Angel
http://www.texasbobsworld.com/sadies_christmas_angel.htm
WINTER'S JOY Via Sandy
http://wandascountryhome.com/wintersjoy/index.html
notice, changes in santa's route!
http://www.anzwers.org/free/ash/xmas/5/route.html
NO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/NOCHRISTMASTHISYEAR.HTML
Ken w/ Hello my Children
http://gospelman.info/christian/HelloMyChildren.html
White Christmas by the Drifters (1954)
http://heavens-gates.com/50s/whitechristmas/
Candy Cane race
http://games.mvm.com/candycanerace/index.php
Dogs
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21729.htm
Domino
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21730.htm
Escaping Germany
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21731.htm
Fat Is Good
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21732.htm
To Subscribe from this group, send an email to:
lynnlynns-links-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
=============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna
put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But
first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of
the map so it won't fall down." --Mitch Hedberg
"The method preferred by most balding men for making them-
selves look silly is called the 'comb-over,' which is when
the man grows the hair on one side of his head very long
and combs it across the bald area, creating an effect that
looks...from the top...like an egg in the grasp of a large
tropical spider." --Dave Barry
"I announced to my wife I was going to the supermarket with
her the next time she went because the stuff she kept
bringing home was not fully in the spirit of American junk
food. While she was off squeezing melons, I made for the
junk food section. The breakfast cereals alone could have
occupied me for most of the afternoon. There must have been
two hundred types. The most immediately arresting was a
cereal called Cookie Crisp, which tried to pretend it was
a nutritious breakfast but was really just chocolate chip
cookies that you put in a bowl and ate with milk. Brilliant."
--Bill Bryson in "I'm a Stranger Here Myself."
"I read this in the wall street journal today: The new trend
in Christmas cards this year are 'DVD cards' – instead of a
letter about your family and what you did this year, you put
your yearly memories on a DVD which I really enjoy getting,
you know why? They make great coasters." --Jay Leno
"But how about Christmas? It's exciting, isn't it? Isn't it?
I was up shopping at Bloomingdale's today and I was in the
elevator and they were playing – Kenny G was playing in the
elevator and I gave him a nice tip." --Dave Letterman
"Over 250 people got sick after eating at an Indiana Olive
Garden restaurant. People are afraid this will ruin Indiana's
reputation for fine Italian food." --Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Uh Huh :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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