Life Insurance, Selma and Freedom Gas... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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================
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The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
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"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* We Had A Tremendous Month Last Month Of Caring And Sharing!
__,=,__
.~`` .` `.``~.
| . . |____
`-;=============;""""`
( (. _).) \
| |
\ `-.___.' /
'._ _.'
/`''''\
/ \
| |/\/\/\/|.-.
|-|/\/\/\/|;' )
(__/_______| _)
#########'._)
jgs |==|=|__
,,,(______)_),,,,
,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,
,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,
,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,
* Please Visit And Share All Of Our Newest Web Pages :)
Amazing Trivia Facts 6!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/triviafacts6.html
Amazing Trivia Facts 7!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/triviafacts7.html
Animal Smiles!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/animalsmiles.html
Spectacular Places 9!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/spectacularplaces9.html
Hey, If It Fits...
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/fits.html
Animal Moms 6!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/animalmoms6.html
Beautiful Roses!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/roses.html
Humorous Signs 5!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hsigns5.html
Amazing Sinkholes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sinkholes.html
The LOOK!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thelook.html
_ ______
/ `'. ,-"` '.
/ /'-.'. ___ .' \
\/ '.\.' ' |
.| .'`\ |
/`"'--., / \ , _.--'` \/_
| ,----.| _ `_--;` ``` `\-.
| | \ | -- C -- _/ \
\ | \ 0 0 / . | |
\| ) | '. _.' |.__/
; \ `'---` /
/ __ '. .'
| (__) /'-._____,-`
\ /---'.-""-.\
'. / ||,- \\
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, ."""-. \ ) `|'.___.' \ ___
\'. / '-. \ /`-`-; / \ ,/ `)
\ \| \ `` | | \|| /
/'.| )_ / || | | \/ .'
\ \ .-'/ ` |` |.-' .-~ ~-~-._ |.'`
\ ` '-. \___/,__/ ~` _ `~~-.,
`-.,_\_)`-.,_\) `~-,___ ~___~,,..-~~/
jgs \___/`\____/'._.'
*~* May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Contributors! :)
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
>Really Stupid...
{
} } {
{ { } }
} }{ {
_{ }{ } }_
( }{ }{ { )
|""---------""| .-,
| /""\ /#/
| | _ | _---------//_
| / | | ( / )
| |/ | /""=========""\
| / / (///////////////)
| | / \ /
| "T" C===========O cww
""---------""
-Bungle-
Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their
country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "Hey,
I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let
me show you."
And he called his driver Ah Beng over and said, "Jim, here is a
10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes."
To which Jim replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the
showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told
you he was stupid."
The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid,
I will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Ali: "Ali, go
home now and check to see if I'm at home."
Ali said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran home.
"See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know
that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Jim said to Ali, "Eh,
you know my boss is so stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me
to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes ... Doesn't he
know that today is Sunday?? The showroom is closed!"
Ali replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is so much
worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home ... He's
got a cellphone, right, he can just call home to check!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 3 is Repeat Day (I said "Repeat Day")
June 4 is Applesauce Cake Day, Hug Your Cat Day, National Cheese Day
and Old Maid's Day
June 5 is Hot Air Balloon Day and World Environment Day
June 6 is D-Day WWII, National Gardening Exercise Day and National
Yo-Yo Day
June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day, National Doughnut Day
and VCR Day
June 8 is Best Friends Day, Name Your Poison Day and World Ocean Day
June 9 is Donald Duck Day, National Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day and
Nursing Assistants Day - date varies
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
____ ____
'###\ \ / /###'
,\\\\\ | /////,
__ \ .--. .--. / __
___\/ ' | ' \/___
-- _, ! | ! ,_ --
/ '! | !' \
/'/ ! | ! \'\
1# ! \ 0|0 / ! #1
!# \ '--; ;--' / #!
` `\ `-' /` `
\## `--~' '~--` ##/
`-___________-`
[Mash]
>No Speaka Da German
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in
Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found
that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the
ticket inspector on the train.
He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show
him that I was interested.
When he had gone, an American woman in the compartment leaned forward
and asked if I spoke German.
"No," I confessed.
"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he
told you that you were on the wrong train."
-<>-
>"M" is for.....
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on
science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would
pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and
she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things.
What am I?"
A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."
-<>-
>Thank You Notes
One Christmas, mom decreed that she was no longer going to remind her
children of their thank-you note duties.
As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the
generous checks she had given.
The next year things were different, however.
"The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told
a friend triumphantly.
"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the
change in behavior?"
"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign
the checks."
-<>-
>Mandatory Attendance
It used to be that in order for a college student to receive credit
for a particular course, a card that listed his or her courses had to
be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy
that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the
class, it was often possible to receive credit, even after not
attending the class regularly.
Not so with this physics professor. If he didn't recognize you, you
would have to repeat the course. On one occasion, a student handed
his card to the professor to be signed. The professor looked at the
name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my
class," and handed back the card.
Now being a quick thinking science major, the student proceeded to
the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his
card to the professor.
The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "OK,
you look familiar." signed the card.
-<>-
>Life Insurance
Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the
insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the
discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my
husband today for a million dollars, and tomorrow he dies? What
will I get?"
The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life
sentence."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
,-----.
/ \--.
| / \
`. \-+-',___/
\ \ \ \
,--\/"""\"".
`._ / \ \ \
_ `| ( \ o\o|.,--.
`-' \ \`-;---'-'( #)
`._ \ |\ `--/
\. \ ||,`. /
\`..--.._ ||/ `===='.
\/ _`.__|| .-. \ \
| / \ |'| `. ! |
\ \_/ \_.') \ ! |
,"". . _/ \ /
/ ;`--'\ \ \ `-'
| |`-< \ \ \
| |\ \,---. \ \ \,---.
| |,---. `.\ \,---. `.
> `. | | \ `.|
( | |-'-' ( | |'
`-------'-' `-----'-' hjw
>SMILES
Karen: On the cover of a women's magazine, I saw the title: "Men's
Secret Fear About Their Working Wives." I decided to get a first-hand
account. I asked my ex, "What's your innermost fear about my working?"
Michelle: What did he say? Karen: He said, "That you'll quit."
----------
Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel
miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I
gave you?
Patient: I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed."
----------
Last year I entered the New York City Marathon.
The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It
was embarrassing.
The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of
me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
I replied: "Do you want to know?" and I dropped out.
----------
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face
was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't
graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the
husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable
would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where
the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor
their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the
woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had
before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about
her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you
for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I
see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
----------
A blond woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a
diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have
lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20
pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
---------
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the
obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his
condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena
replied, "You just put 'Ole died'." The gentleman, somewhat
perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must
be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're
concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say
something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally
said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale."
----------
A tour bus full of noisy American tourists arrives at Runnymede,
England.
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the
barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that
happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn It all! Just missed it
by a half hour!"
----------
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference
between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I
were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his
money, what would I be?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he
blurts out, "you'd be his wife!"
----------
Jake had proposed to young Gina, and was being interviewed by his
prospective father-in-law.
"Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the
older man asked the suitor.
"Yes, sir," replied Jake, "I'm sure I am."
"Think carefully now," said Gina's father. "There are twelve of
us..."
----------
A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing
convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your
suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers." "Oh,
just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an
extra pair of pants for that suit." "Yes, I know. And it's lucky
you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes ."I was able to use a
piece from them to patch the hole!"
-<>-
.. blaa blaa blaaa...
.((())).
cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil
t |//_^ ^)" p e
y \)_\V/.-. t y
p /||| ( _\
_e/ |'\/__.-.\
_ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _
___/||___t p
.'-'-_-_-'-,:y e
.'-_-_-_-_-_-/
(__________,(/mrf
keyboard(_.-._.-._.
Selma telephones home with some exciting news:
"Mama, I got married."
"Mazel Tov," says Mama.
"I might as well tell you, Mama, he's not of our Faith."
"So he's a goy. But am I prejudiced?"
"But, Mama, he's also black."
"So he's a schvartzeh. By me, everybody
should be tolerant."
"Well, frankly, Mama, he's also unemployed."
"So, you'll support him. A wife should help
her husband."
"But, Mama, we have no place to live."
"Don't worry, Selma, dear. You'll move in
with us."
"But Mama, you have only one bedroom."
"That's okay. You and your husband can
have the bedroom."
"Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa sleep?"
"Papa can sleep on the couch in the living room."
"Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?"
"Selma, dear, about me you don't need to
worry. The minute I get off the phone...
I'm going to drop dead."
---
...HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAU!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
,
, `.
| `.
` `.
\___ \
,---._ ,' -`./
,-" "-/ / o `._
`. | o ,-. _ `
`. , , `-' ,' `
`-----"| '`----" |
\ / |
\ "
`. /_
`._ _/| \
( ". ' \
\ `.`. .
|` \" |\
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| `. \ |
| ,` | |
| `-`-" ,
` ,
`. _,'
`.--" |
| || | .-.
| |, `,' )
___,' \ ,
/ /------"
\____," KaK
>Get a radiant glow with a sugar-lemon scrub
This DIY formula helps keep your complexion soft, shiny, and
line-free!
Why it works? The sugar's granules slough off dead, dry skin
flakes while the lemon's citric acid and vitamin C brightens
your skin.
Recipe: Mix 2 tsp. of sugar with 2 tsp. of lemon juice. Massage
onto damp skin for one to two minutes, and then rinse with
warm water. Use twice a week to maintain results.
-<>-
>Sleep soundly with a lavender pillow mist
To get ample shuteye spritz your linen with a lavender mist (these
are available just about anywhere).
The scent's sedative-like effect helps the body sink into deeper
sleep, an effect that makes you 87% more likely to sleep well
and wake up feeling oh-so refreshed!
Another tip: If you sleep with a sleep mask try popping it into
the dryer for 5 minutes before bedtime. The warmth prompts the
body to release sleep-inducing melatonin.
-<>-
>Baking Soda
You may have seen the volcano science experiment for what
happens when you pour vinegar onto baking soda. Beyond
entertaining you, baking soda can make a huge difference
in the smell and the efficiency of your drains.
Try adding baking soda under hot running water to freshen the
drain. Baking soda can even be used in combination with hot
water to unclog a drain.
-<>-
>Keep bugs at bay
Summer nights are beautiful - that's until the mosquitos
arrive!
To deter them, place lavender or peppermint plants or
citronella candles in terracotta pots around your outdoor
living space.
Not only will this repel bugs, but it also provides extra
soft lighting.
-<>-
>Spend less on the go at convenience stores
Chances are, when you need a snack, water, candy or something
else on a road trip, you stop at a convenience store since
they are easy to find.
Unfortunately, that typically translates into higher prices!
Here's one savvy way to save...Sign up for a rewards car for
stores where you're most likely to stop along your way
(ex: 7-Eleven, Thorton's).
You'll earn points that can be redeemed for food and beverages.
Don't forget to bring your manufacturer coupons too: most
convenience stores do accept them!
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hints:
* Save on Gas
Ride your bike or walk when possible. If you are using your
car, combine errands to save on gas. If you are heading to an
appointment or the grocery store, think what other stops you
could make while heading in that direction.
It's amazing how those little changes can add up to big savings!
* Green Cleaning and Wood Surfaces
There are a lot of different recipes out there that call for
some combination of olive oil and vinegar. (Yes, you're
cleaning with salad dressing, for a floor you could eat off).
The ratio of vinegar, oil and water will vary depending on
the the type of wood and the finish you have on top of it.
For wood floors, try 1/4 cup of vinegar in 1 gallon of hot
water. For wood furniture, start with 1 cup vinegar with
1 teaspoon oil.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
“President Trump was in Virginia Sunday for a special church
service praying for victims of the Virginia Beach mass shooting,”
Mark Moore and Lee Brown report in the New York Post. “Trump stood
behind pastor David Platt as he offered a prayer for the 12 killed
in Friday’s mass shooting.”
https://tinyurl.com/y5l6s4sd
** Queen Elizabeth Greets President Trump at Start of State Visit
President Donald J. Trump and First Lady Melania Trump "arrived at
Buckingham Palace Monday just after noon, local time, to meet Queen
Elizabeth," Maria Puente reports in USA Today.
“The queen greeted President Trump after he ascended the palace
stairs with Prince Charles at the West Terrace of Buckingham
Palace. Melania walked behind with Duchess Camilla. The queen
wore a big smile as she greeted the president with a handshake.”
President Trump’s three-day state visit to the U.K. is timed to
coincide with the 75th anniversary of D-Day.
https://tinyurl.com/yyao47m5
NBC Censors Host Crediting Prayers for Recovery
Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek credited the prayers of millions for helping
him in a life-and-death struggle with stage-four pancreatic cancer.
Trebek faces a five-year survival rate of only three percent. However,
his cancer is now in “near remission.”
https://tinyurl.com/y34nysb3
Trump Shakes ‘Every Single Hand’ of US Air Force Graduates While
Praising Their ‘Noble Road of Service’
-Independent Journal Review
https://tinyurl.com/y5suws95
President Trump delivers 2019 Air Force Academy commencement speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if2nHdPemZU
O’Reilly Reveals Why Mueller Hates Trump
https://tinyurl.com/yx9lnv3z
Justice With Judge Jeanine 6/1/19 |
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1pYRxbjgn8
5 Times Google Revealed Its Extreme Bias
https://tinyurl.com/y6tzltgz
New Rules Issued on How to Fake Climate Reporting
https://tinyurl.com/yymkzehd
Democrats are threatening to cut the defense budget, putting America’s
security at risk. The Free Beacon reports:
https://tinyurl.com/y5ed2xat
Ocasio-Cortez BASHES America, Veterans Do THIS
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3jh-b61d11g4/
Bill Barr Hammer At the Deep State
https://1600daily.com/2019/06/01/bill-barr-hammer-deep-state/
Buttigieg’s Family EXPOSES His Lies
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3j4-b61d11g2/
Obama Insults Trump
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3ja-b61d11g7/
BOMBSHELL: Mueller EDITED Report To INCRIMINATE Trump
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3je-b61d11g1/
Dr. Robert Jeffress Discusses Christian Persecution with Lou Dobbs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd9jCKcjYj4
Westwing News:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Chicken, Pork, Charging Cables
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert: These Foods Tied to Higher Risk of Death
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Free To Give - Hunger Site
https://www.greatergood.com/emails/2019/reminder-060219-THS-w.html
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
You would think this story happened right here in the good,
'ol United States of Bureaucracy, but this bit of governmental
stupidity happened north of the border.
It seems Mike Defazio of Saint John in New Brunswick, Canada
recently blew a tire driving over one of several large
potholes in his neighborhood. Sick and tired of his local
government's failure to repair the street he took matters
into his own hands and spent half a day filling in the
potholes using his tractor.
Of course, if you know anything about government you know
that infrastructure, law, order, justice, education and
everything else can just go to hell, but heaven help the
individual who bucks the bureaucracy and tries to solve a
problem by himself.
Three days later Defazio got a call from the city's deputy
commissioner of transportation informing him he had broken
the city's bylaws and could face a fine.
Apparently they were afraid that a rock could be kicked up
and chip a windshield or scratch paint.
Defazio says he was told city crews would be out to remove
his work and he would have to cover the costs. That's right,
the city was going to dig up pot holes in the street and
charge him for the labor to do it.
Brilliant.
So he was forced to hire a crew and return the street to its
original pot-holed state himself.
The lesson here is; never do anything.
*--- 'Serial Pooper' Making a Mess ---*
Houston police are trying to wipe out a recurring crime wave
by flushing out the identity of a man who has been caught
on surveillance cameras going No. 2 on lawns and driveways
in the city's Woodland Heights neighborhood. The disgruntled
dumper has been leaving messes all over the neighborhood,
and has pooped at one house at least six times. "It's
definitely not a nice thing to do to people," said Patrick
Reese, who lives nearby. "Going to the bathroom in their
driveway is not nice. That's definitely not something that's
supposed to go on in polite society." It is believed that
the "serial pooper" usually strikes late at night or early
in the morning under the cover of darkness. The man usually
cleans himself up with a paper towel and then leaves the
soiled sheet on the sidewalk. "This is our neighborhood,"
area resident Aimee Parsons said. "Whatever people think
should go on around here -- pooping is not okay. We don't
want dogs pooping in our yards why would we want a human?"
Deputies say the man will be charged with indecent exposure
or criminal mischief charge when he is caught.
*--- Teen Builds Rocket-Powered Skateboard ---*
This should end well. A Virginia high schooler unveiled
the rocket-powered skateboard he designed and built in
his quest to break a Guinness World Record. Marcus
Targonski of Charlottesville said he and his friends have
been working for several months to design and build a
skateboard powered by what is essentially a miniature
version of a jet plane engine. "We began to draft using
3D modeling software to figure out how we want to lay
the board out and what we want to do," he told local news.
Targonski said he has been able to reach speeds of 60 mph
in trial runs, but he needs to be able to maintain the
speed for 328 feet in two directions to qualify for the
Guinness record.
*--- Freedom Gas ---*
In a press release two Department of Energy officials used
the terms "freedom gas" and "molecules of US freedom" to
replace your average, everyday term "natural gas." The press
release was fairly standard, announcing the expansion of a
Liquified Natural Gas (LNG) terminal at the Freeport facility
on Quintana Island, Texas. It would have gone unnoticed had
an E&E News reporter not noted the unique metonymy "molecules
of US freedom." DOE Assistant Secretary for Fossil Energy
Steven Winberg is quoted as saying, "With the US in another
year of record-setting natural gas production, I am pleased
that the Department of Energy is doing what it can to promote
an efficient regulatory system that allows for molecules of
US freedom to be exported to the world." The term "freedom
gas" seems to have originated from an event with DOE Secretary
Rick Perry. Earlier this year, the secretary signed an order
to double the amount of LNG exports to Europe, saying, "The
United States is again delivering a form of freedom to the
European continent. And rather than in the form of young
American soldiers, it's in the form of liquefied natural gas."
[Funny, I experience quite a bit of my own 'freedom gas' last
night after a beef and bean burrito.]
*--- Canada is Suffering a Leech Shortage? ---*
Apparently there are thousands of Canadians who are
desperately in need of Leeches. Otherwise why would a man
try to smuggle nearly 5,000 live leeches in a grocery bag
on a flight from Russia to Toronto's Pearson International
Airport? The discovery was made after a dog working with
border agents smelled the leeches. The leeches were
identified as Hirudo verbana, one of only two species of
medicinal leech that come under regulations aimed at
controlling wildlife trade. "These species are regulated
because over-harvesting of medicinal leeches from the wild
is a major threat to the species," a statement said. The
parasites, which drink the blood of animals and humans,
were one of the first species subject to conservation
measures, dating back to 1823. Medicinal leech saliva
contains blood-thinning properties and was vital in the
first positive results of human dialysis treatments.
Ippolit Bodounov was charged with the unlawful import of
a regulated species and fined $11,000.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
___________
\ /
)_______(
|"""""""|_.-._,.---------.,_.-._
| | | | | | ''-.
| |_| |_ _| |_..-'
|_______| '-' `'---------'` '-'
)"""""""(
/_________\
`'-------'`
.-------------.
jgs/_______________\
>Was He Dead?
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the
coroner.
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken
the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't
sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting
in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out
there practicing law somewhere.
-<>-
>Naked for Breakfast
An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their
home.
"Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this
same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."
"Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say, should we get
naked?"
The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the
table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts
burn for you now as they did 50 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee
and the other is in your oatmeal!"
-<>-
>A Gift in the Driveway
Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry and told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect
to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than
10 seconds, and it better be there!"
The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife
woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and
brought the box back into the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Rick has been missing since Friday.
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are WANTED!
Q: What's the difference between love and marriage?
A: Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
Q: If love is "grand," what is divorce?
A: A hundred grand, or more.
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.
Q: What word is always spelled wrong in the Dictionary?
A: Wrong.
Q: What do you call the security guards who work at the Samsung store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: Where do pencils go for vacation?
A: Pencil-vania.
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing himself a lullaby?
A: He was a little hoarse.
_..._ ___
.:::::::. `"-._.-''.
, /:::::::::\ ': \ _._
\:-::::::::::::\ :. | /|.-' /:::\
\::::::::\:::::| ': | | / |:::|
`:::::::|:::::\ ': | `\ | __ |\::/\
`-:::-|::::::| ': | .`\ .\_.' `.__/ |
|::::::\ ':. | \ ';:: /.-._ , /
|:::::::| :. / ,`\;:: \'./0) |_.-/
;:::::::| ': | \.`;::. `` | |
\::::::/ :' / _\::::' / /
\::::| :' / ,=:;::/ |
\:::| :' | (='` // / |
\::\ `: / '--' | /\ |
\:::. `:_|.-"""-. \__.-'/::\ |
'::::.:::...:::. '. /:::| |
'::/::::::::::::. '-.__.:::::| |
|::::::::::::\::..../::::::| /
|:::::::::::::|::::/::::::://
\:::::::::::::|'::/::::::::/
/\::::::::::::/ /:::::::/:|
|::';:::::::::/ |::::::/::;
|:::/`-:::::;;-._ |:::::/::/
|:::| `-::::\ `|::::/::/
jgs |:::| \:::\ \:::/::/
/:::/ \:::\ \:/\:/
(_::/ \:::;__ \\_\\___
(_:/ \::):):)\:::):):)
`" `""""` `""""""`
Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A: Odor in the court.
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: Because it overswept!
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,-,
,**@**.
/&&&-b\
/ &&&/& \
/ _!!_ \
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\| (~~~~) |/
/^\) (/^\
( \\(@*)// )
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@ @
': ,@. ,@. ;'
' '-=-' '-__-' '-=-' '
' '
/ \
~=._ _,=~
`=-.__ __,-='
gpyy `-=.____,=-'
My sister, went to the store to check out the bridal
registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon.
When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the
gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too
young to get married."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Because," she said, "they've registered for video games."
-<>-
After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger
sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to
ask his mother if he was adopted.
"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry
softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."
-<>-
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis
ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and
in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his
pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he
noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling.
Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, "What do you
have in your pocket?"
"Tennis ball," the man said, smiling back.
"Wow!" said the woman looking upset. "That must hurt. I
once had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!"
-<>-
A tourist on a diving charter off the coast of Florida asks
the blond dive master: "Why do scuba divers always fall
backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond replies: "Think about it! If they fell
forward, they'd still be in the boat."
-<>-
As we left the gym after our first real workout in years, my
husband and I both felt energized. "Let's make a commitment
to do it three times a week," I said.
"Absolutely," my husband agreed, "three times at a minimum."
"And no whining," I said. "No excuses."
"No, we'll do it," he said enthusiastically, "you can count
on it."
"And on my late night, we can just meet here at the gym."
"The gym?" my husband said, confused. "I thought we were
talking about s%x?"
-<>-
Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital.
A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this
about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the tax auditor in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2
days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell
him!"
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
>Quotes
It is a sad fact that 50% of marriages in this country end in divorce.
But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky
ones! -- Richard Jeni
I'm dating a guy who's 21. That's seven in boy years.
-- Lois Goich
I'm still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad
marriage.
-- Laura Kightlinger
I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
-- Wendy Liebman
-<>-
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888
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8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88
8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888
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8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888
8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888
8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888
8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888
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d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888
dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b
>Great analogy...
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the
way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared
the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had
kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would
all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of
the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows
before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would
run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal
Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls
would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
-<>-
>Traffic Fine
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled the motorist as the
police officer handed him a receipt for his speeding traffic fine.
"Keep it," the officer advised. "When you get three of them, you get
a bicycle."
-<>-
,'-',
:-----:
(''' , - , ''')
\ ' . , ` /
\ ' ^ ? /
\ ` - ,'
`j_ _,'
,- -`\ \ /f
,- \_\/_/'-
, `,
, ,
/\ \
| / \ ',
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<...\ , : ,- '
\,,,,\ ; : j '
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\ \ ; ''':
\ -, -`.../
' - -,`,--`
\_._'-- '---:
Storm
>Top Ten Southern Commandments
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's woman.
(7) No killin'...No how.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
-<>-
*
_| __
(__ Question _)
|
*
jgs
>Q & A's
1. HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the hell out of it.
2. WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam
3. WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
Subordinate Clauses.
4. WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk
5. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
Frostbite.
6. WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck
9. WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
Sanka.
10. HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
Over The Limit 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit2.html
US Presidents And The Queen
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html
Linus The Wonder Horse!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonderhorse.html
Cute Little Ponies!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/littlepony.html
Amazing Photos 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazingphotos4.html
Miniature Donkeys!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minidonkey.html
Embroidery Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/embroideryart.html
Wall Mural Art 5!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart5.html
Humorous Bumper Stickers!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bumperstickers.html
Only In Israel!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/israel.html
Hot Air Balloons!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotair3.html
Great Wall Of China!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwall.html
High Tech Toys 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys3.html
Red Panda Cub!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redpandacub.html
Willie, Joe And Bill In WWII
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mauldin.html
Sands Of Normandy!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/normandy.html
Normandy Then And Now!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/normandy2.html
Troops INDEX!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html
-<>-
19 Funny Bird Videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjIqSEJxiaU
Carol Burnett Show outtakes - The Flasher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qT9jmEUNxtk
Best Carol Burnett Show Bloopers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2b5C6Xp3pwA
Carol Burnett - Bust Ups, Bloopers & Blunders Pt. 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_gG3ajNc4s
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Life is full of surprises and sometimes they are caught on camera
like these incredible moments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRB762N2RH8
---
...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu!
The real life Sherlock Holmes is back with a jaw-dropping performance.
How did he do that? America's Got Talent 2019 - The Champions
https://youtu.be/lR75vqIcIY4
---
...Love Sherlock Holmes! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked
because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means some-
where a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch
'Real Housewives.'" -Conan O'Brien
"According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it
attractive when a woman offers to split the bill on a date.
And zero percent of women find it attractive when that offer
is accepted." -Seth Meyers
"Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over
the trademark of the name 'Kylie.' Yeah, the judge called
the case 'not why I went to law school.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Blue Cross is partnering with Lyft to give people rides
to the doctor. It costs $600. The drivers are specially
trained, and - it's just an ambulance." -Jimmy Fallon
"A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of
yourself that you can send to your mom for $30,000. It's
a great way of telling your mom I'd rather spend $30,000
than visit you in person." -Jimmy Fallon
"A new study suggests that a chemical released when a
person is hungry can lead to poor decision-making. It's
what Taco Bell calls 'our entire business model.'"
-Seth Meyers
"Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to
hide what you've been watching. You just click the button
and it says, I want to stay married." -Conan O'Brien
"A company has come out with a robot that makes salad.
So finally - a robot that's not going to take away any
American jobs!" -Conan O'Brien
"A new study released today shows that blotting pizza
with a napkin to remove extra grease can remove an average
of 40 calories per slice. So if you're looking for an easy
way to lose weight, just eat that napkin." -Seth Meyers
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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