Happy New Year Smiles... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
**~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
================
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.
__, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__)
(--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_
_| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_||
( | | ,_| ( (__|
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.
.'` `'.
/ \ _
; __.'` `'.
| .'` `'. \
; / HAPPY \ ;
\; NEW ; |
| Y E A R | ; _
; 2 0 1 4 ;-./-_-` '-.
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|\o | .~`'--......--'
\'._/ _.~`
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*~* May You Have A Blessed, Safe, Prosperous And Happy New Year! *~*
>Our New Year And Motivational Pages:
New Year's Animations:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html
New Year's Words:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html
Dreamy Ladies!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html
Pay It Forward!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html
The Blue Ribbon!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueribbon.html
Life Train!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetrain.html
I Believe
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html
90/10 Principle
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html
Let's Dance
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html
New Year Train!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyeartrain.html
Top Reasons To Smile
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html
Advice For Living
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/advice.html
Among The Orchids
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/orchids.html
Three Old Men
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldmen.html
Drink Responsibly!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drink.html
Dick Clark's House!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dclark.html
Friends And Health!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html
Ten Tips For Living
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tips.html
Think Positive
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/positive.html
TSA's Calendar Gals!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tsa.html
Journey Through Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html
Playboy Bunny Calendar!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html
Advice For The New Year!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyear.html
Yearly Friendship Renewal!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/renewal.html
Wisdom For Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wisdomforlife.html
Oh Gee - Too Many To List - View Many More Here:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html
-<>-
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This sizzler is from our friends Linda and Brenda. It is
amazing some of the workmanship here! Check it out here:
All Occasion Cakes 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes3.html
---
...Love This series! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
__
, / |`".
/( ,-~~~-. / / o\
Dog Haiku { \,` `~~--\ _/ `b
\ ; ` \ ,_/ _ _
`\ , / / \`"""` (_\____/_)
I love my master; jgs \ `~)---\ `~~~~)(_/~~~~\_)
Thus I perfume myself with `~~~~~~` `~~~~~~~~`
This long-rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.
Today I sniffed
Many dog butts--I celebrate .-"-.
By kissing your face. /|6 6|\
{/(_0_)\}
I sound the alarm! _/=o=\_
Paperboy--come to kill us all-- jgs (/ /^\ \)-'
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! ""' '""
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man--come to kill us all--
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep.
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.
I Hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot--no greater bliss--well,
Maybe catching rats.
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.
The cat is not all
Bad--she fills the litter box .-"-.
With Tootsie Rolls. /) (\
/ |6 6| \
Dig under fence--why? \/\ Y`/\/
Because it's there. Because it's / ^ \
There. Because it's there. _; ;
/_| | | |
I am your best friend, jgs (_|-|_)
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
You may call them fleas,
But they are far more--I call
Them a vocation.
My owners' mood is
Romantic--I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.
_ _ _ _ _ _
/` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\
\ / /` \/ `\ \ / /` \/ `\ \ /
'. .' \ / '. .' \ / '. .'
\/ '. .' \/ '. .' \/
jgs \/ \/
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and
National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day
December 31 is Unlucky Day
January 1 is First Foot Day and Z Day More Info on Z Day
January 2 is Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day
January 3 is Festival of Sleep Day
January 4 is Trivia Day and Humiliation Day
January 5 is Bird Day
January 6 is Bean Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
o
.
. o
. , . o__
L\ o .-""-. (==)
|\_ / (--> \ |~~| joan stark (jgs)
o .\ \'--.)_>_=/_( | | spunk1111@juno.com
. \ )`-._/|_,( | |
o _| \ (_ ( \ /|()| ASCII ART GALLERY:
o . , `.\ ) \_/\ \//` `\ http://www.ascii-art.com
____/ ;`__/\ (__'./ \
|===/, ==\======/==|; ____ ;
\ _,' o . '-..-' o /||` `||
`'-.__ o' __.-'` || _/\_ ||
`'..'` ||` `||
|| ||PARTY!||
|| || 2013 ||
jgs || | \____/ |
_.' '._ | |
< > \_.-""-._/
`""""""` `""""""`
>Forgotten Birthday
A wife was very disappointed and quite upset over her husband
forgetting her birthday.
He diplomatically responded, "How do you expect me to remember your
birthday when you never look any older?"
-<>-
>House Cleaning
The adolescent daughter excitedly informed her parents that she had
just gotten a job cleaning a neighbor's house.
The wife, knowing how seldom her daughter helped with any sort of
housekeeping at home, asked, "How will you know what to do?"
"I'll be easy, Mom," she replied innocently. "I've been watching you
for years."
-<>-
>Living with a Teacher
My wife is a teacher; it's really weird to live with a teacher. I'd be
on the phone, doodling on a piece of paper, leave the house, come back
in two hours and that same piece of paper is now on the refrigerator
with the words "Good work!" and a big smiley face on it.
-<>-
>Military Training
Our patient in the hospital was a big, burly former officer. Just after
surgery, and still half out of it, he became agitated and confused,
tearing at his IVs and trying to escape his bed.
The nurses gamely attempted to keep him calm but were losing this
battle. That's when my military training came in handy.
"Colonel!" I commanded. "At ease!"
And with that, the colonel fell back to sleep.
-<>-
>Politically Correct Holiday Greetings
To all my Liberal Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect
for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or
their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;
PLUS
A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice
of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make
America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than
any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere),
and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability,
religious faith, or choice of computer platform.
(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for
a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the
wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional
stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday
spirit.)
To all my Conservative Friends:
.
. : .
'.@.'
/^\
/ \
/2014 \
@@@@@@@@@
/ 6 6 \
( ^ ,)
\ __, /-._
`._____.'\ `--.__
\\/ `/``"""'-.
/ ) / :
| /\ | .--. :
/ /\2`\ \/ `.__.:.____.-.
/ / /`\0`\`/ .-"..____.-. \
jgs _.-' /_/ `\1`\ \-. \
`=----' `\4`\--------'""`-. \ `"
`-./ `"
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fran :)
^ _...._ ^
.' '. _...._
^ / \' '.
|X / \
-. \ |X | ^
.-. |'.-. .' \ /
\;/ `/\` '. .'
/ \ ( `/\`
/ \ \ ^ `)
^ / \ ) ( ^
/'-...-'\ ( \
/-.__ __.-\ )
jgs '._ ` _.' ^ /
`"""""`
>A NEW YEAR
by Anne R. C. Neale
A new day, a new beginning, and a New year begins anew,
I have a slow feeling of leaving the Old Year which is now in my Past,
In this New Year I will strive for a newness of new ideas, new
viewpoints and new things too,
As I am aware each New Year seems to pass so very fast,
This New Year I will try to see people in a new and loving light,
I will also renew the spirit of newness too in my mind and soul,
I will let new ideas come into my spirit too
As I strive for a newness in my Spirituality with my All,
As a new day, and new beginnings and a New Year begins,
I will leave my mistakes of the Past and not carry them over with
grudges too,
I will dedicate this year as a newness in my life physically and
Spiritually,
And I look forward to being prosperous and being productive with new
ideas and an inner peace within me so new.
A new day, a new beginning, and a New year begins anew,
I have a slow feeling of leaving the Old Year which is now in my Past,
and gone
With a new clean slate 2014 now begins,
I wish you a very Happy and Prosperous and Productive 2014
---
...Amen! Thanks Fran!
================================================================
.~~~~.
|1999|
_|____|_
}-{ A P P Y (_,/\ \
\,~,/(`^ ^( )
/\/ E W \_/ ) \-' ) (
|\| (.-' '--.)
\./ \( /(_)-(_) \
| E A R \\/ /\ /`\ \
\_/ / . \ //
/'---'\`/_
_/ ^ ^ ;--;
.--`| ^ ^ /` `),
/` . \ ^ /` ) . ').
~^~`/ ( \^ / ( ' \^-~`-~
- ^ ~^- . )/ . ) '-.;~^-~^~-
~^~- / `\ - . ~^~ ,-.`~~^~^~^
~- `^_~-~^-| \^ \~_~^ -~^~- ~^`~^ ^~
~_jgs .-./__/\__`\-. ~^_-~^- ~^-
^~ `-^~=~-`=~-~=-' ~
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
>SMILES
A hillbilly is looking around a big hardware store when he sees a
display of chain saws with a sign, guaranteeing that this model of
chain saw can cut twenty cord of firewood in a day. He motions to a
salesman. "Can I help you, sir?"
"This-here chainsaw, kin it rully cut twenny cords o' wood in a day?"
"Yes, sir, that's the guarantee. Twenty cords of wood or you get your
money back."
"Twenny cords o' farwood? Ah don' b'lieve it!" "Yes, sir, it's true!
Guaranteed." Wull, ah'll try one but ah still don' b'lieve it!'
He buys the saw He returns, not the next day, but the day after that.
He seeks out the same salesman and confronts him with the slightly-used
saw. "You lyre!" he says, "you lie lakka dawg! You sayed this-here
chainsawr'd cut twenny cords o'wood in a day! I got up yestiddy at the
crack o'dawn 'n I cut 'n cut 'n cut all day! I didn't stop 'till it wuz
dork! 'N I couldn't cut more'n six cords o'farwood t'save mah lahf! Now
whatya say bout that?"
The salesman looked perplexed. "Gee," he said, "maybe you did get a bad
one that slipped through. Let's try it." He takes the saw, pumps the
primer a few times, and pulls the cord to start it up.
The hillbilly's eyes get wide with surprise. "Good Gawd-a-mighty!
What's that dern racket?"
-<>-
A man was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he
found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe
him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the
eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This,
surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new
dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired,
and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog,
however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve
the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day
long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the
water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything,
but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his
friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
-<>-
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car.
Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was
hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow,
just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we
are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and
be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign
from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car
is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely
God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle,
immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
---
...LOL! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>Groaners!
A young lawyer decided that his life needed a hobby. Since his buddies
talked about sailing, he thought he'd give it a go. He went to the
local boat show and asked a lot of questions. Everything seemed to be
going well when he said, "How do you dock the boat?" The salesman
replied, "Well, you really don't dock the sailboat, you tie it up to a
float just beyond the dock. This way you don't bang up the finish on
the craft." "Well then," the lawyer asked, "How do you get out to the
sailboat?" "Good question." The salesman told him. “You can get a small
raft and paddle out to the boat, or you can just walk out to the boat,
if you don't mind getting wet. “ “Oh, I get it," the lawyer replied,
"It's Row vs Wade."
-<>-
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and
only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
---
...Oooo what a groaner! HaHa! Thanks Geniann!
============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
Apparently the holiday season brings the penis out in
some people.
In Wisconsin a postal carrier said he simply wanted to
cheer up a woman on his rounds who seemed "stressed out"
so he decided to deliver her mail naked.
He even told her he was going to do it. As a prank, I
suppose. But whether she took him seriously or not, there
was no doubting his sincerity when he showed up at her
office wearing only a smile and his mail bag.
Those wacky letter carriers.
The 52-year-old was arrested for lewd and lascivious
behavior several days later.
-<>-
Here is a great example of a complete failure at parenting.
Police in Stamford, Connecticut say two teenagers who
refused to help their father shovel snow from the
driveway allegedly attacked him with shovels.
Police say the father was shoveling the driveway with his
10-year-old son and asked his two teenage sons to help.
The teenagers got into an argument and the 19-year-old
hit his father in the head with a shovel. The blow knocked
the father to the ground and the 17-year-old than allegedly
smacked him in the back with his shovel displaying unusual
teamwork for teenagers.
The two brothers fled but were arrested a short time later.
The older brother is charged with second-degree assault
and conspiracy. The younger, not identified because of
his age, faces the same charges.
The 42-year-old father, whom police did not identify, was
treated at Stamford Hospital for cuts to his head.
---
...Reminds me of these...
Parenting No-No's
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting.html
Parenting No-No's 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html
Parenting No-No's 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting3.html
*-- Student expelled from Georgia high school for hugging teacher --*
DULUTH, Ga. - An Atlanta-area woman says she is appealing
her son's expulsion from high school for hugging a teacher.
April McNair told WSB-TV, Atlanta, that her teenage son's
future will be ruined if he is expelled from Duluth High
School in Gwinnett County. Sam McNair, a football player
at Duluth, had been hoping for an athletic scholarship to
college. "We're not in a financial position to put him in
a private school. If he's expelled from Gwinnett County,
no other county is going to want to accept (him) in
school. So you are derailing his future for him," April
McNair said in a report broadcast Tuesday. The teacher
filed a sexual harassment complaint against Sam, 17. He
says he hugged her several times in the past and believes
that if she had a problem with it she should have talked
to him or his parents before filing the complaint. Both
mother and son said their family hugs a lot.
*-- Police: Man tried to trade live alligator for beer --*
MIAMI - A Florida man who tried to trade a live alligator
for beer at a convenience store said he didn't know
trapping the gator was illegal. Police said Fernando
Caignet Aguilera, 64, brought the 4-foot alligator in a
cardboard box to the Santa Ana Market in Miami's Allapattah
neighborhood Dec. 10 and asked clerk Javier Herrera to
accept the reptile in exchange for a 12-pack of beer, CNN
reported Wednesday. Herrera told WFOR-TV, Miami, he told
Aguilera to leave, and the man attempted to make the same
trade with a customer. Aguilera said he found the
alligator shortly before the incident and didn't know it
was illegal to trap the animal. "I just picked it up
here," Aguilera said. "I seen it here in the grass and I
tied it up." He said he wasn't going to accept just any
beer in exchange for the gator. "I wanted a Corona,
because if he brings me a Natural Light or something like
that I don't want it. I want a Corona, because the
alligator is so beautiful," he said. The Florida Fish and
Wildlife Conservation Commission cited Aguilera for three
charges related to the illegal capture of the alligator.
He faces as much as six months in jail or a $500 fine if
convicted. The FWC said the alligator was released into
the wild.
*-- Police: Man stole truck for ride to court --*
REDDING, Calif. - Police in Redding, Calif., say a man
accused of stealing a truck told officers he took the
vehicle because he needed a ride to court for another car
theft case. Police said John Westberg, 69, called police
when he heard his 1989 Ford Ranger start up and saw it
being driven away from his home by an apparent thief,
the Courthouse News Service reported Wednesday. Officers
pulled the truck over about 20 minutes later and arrested
Michael Heller, 21, Redding Police Department Cpl. Chris
Smyrnos said. "Heller admitted to officers that he stole
Westberg's truck because he needed a ride to court for an
unrelated stolen vehicle case. Heller was arrested for
vehicle theft and possession of a stolen vehicle and was
booked at the Shasta County Jail," the police department
said in a statement.
*-- Handcuffed man proposed while being arrested --*
ELK CITY, Okla. - An Oklahoma woman whose boyfriend
proposed to her while he was being arrested on outstanding
warrants said the man, who is now her fiance, is
misunderstood. Justin Harrel, 32, told Elk City police he
was preparing to propose to girlfriend Elaina Rios at Elk
City's "Christmas In The Park" Friday when he was arrested
on unspecified warrants from Washita and Greer Counties,
KXTV, Oklahoma City, reported Wednesday. Police helped
Harrel complete the proposal and retrieved the ring from
the handcuffed man's pocket before carting him away to
jail. "We're best friends. He completes me. He's my rock
and I'm his rock. Everybody thinks he's a bad guy and he's
not," Rios said. Elk City Police Chief Eddie Holland said
the incident was "policing at its best with a heart." "And
it's Christmas time. People have lives, and we help them
our best to live those lives," Holland said.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
o
_'
{_}
|=|
. ' | |
o . o o |@|
. o _o_._'_ /___\
o_.__'\~~~~~/ |=2 |
\~~~~~/ '-.-' |=0 |
'-.-' | |-1 |
| _|_ |_4_|
_|_ `"""` |_._|
jgs `"""` `"""`
>Warm Winter Wishes
Did I like nut another to it send do to better anything have doesn't
that person a like this reading time sweet your took you since.
(Now read it backwards )
---
...LOL! Wow! I read that much faster backwards! Thanks PatDeE!
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
^ _...._ ^
.' '. _...._
^ / \' '.
|X / \
-. \ |X | ^
.-. |'.-. .' \ /
\;/ `/\` '. .'
/ \ ( `/\`
/ \ \ ^ `)
^ / \ ) ( ^
/'-...-'\ ( \
/-.__ __.-\ )
jgs '._ ` _.' ^ /
`"""""`
>Thoughts...
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell
phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't
afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they
Call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that
people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on
beer cans!
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it
'Pumping Rust'.
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is
falling into your drawers!
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got
8a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case
of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for
their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then poop on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by thenyo
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in
mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when
he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'
together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want
people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth,
think of Algebra.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is
such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but
being old is comfortable.
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over
my mouth .
. ... AMEN
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Linda!
==============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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.' '. _...._
^ / \' '.
|X / \
-. \ |X | ^
.-. |'.-. .' \ /
\;/ `/\` '. .'
/ \ ( `/\`
/ \ \ ^ `)
^ / \ ) ( ^
/'-...-'\ ( \
/-.__ __.-\ )
jgs '._ ` _.' ^ /
`"""""`
My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a
stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will
you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside
screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"
-<>-
The woman said to her beautician as she sat down for her
appointment, "When you're finished with me, will my husband
think I'm beautiful?"
"Maybe," replied beautician, "does he still drink a lot?"
-<>-
Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one
of the three most stressful situations in an on-going
relationship? (The other two danger zones are teaching
your mate to drive and wallpapering. Don't EVEN think of
going there!) So I now present for you....
*Things NOT To Say When Hanging The Christmas Lights*
--"You've got two red lights right next to each other.
You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow,
red, red, green, blue..."
--"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
--"What on earth do you do to these lights when you put
them away every year? Tie them in knots?"
--"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going
to fry that sucker."
--"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all.
Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're
worse than your father."
--"Give me that!!"
--"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The
electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom,
not up at the top."
--"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm
done!"
--"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we
agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"
--"Have you been drinking?!!?"
--"Okaaay! Looks like we're *finally* done here now. Not
too shabby huh? Hey....wait a minute, where's the cat?"
-<>-
I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What
if you wanted a day off?
You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running
a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to
make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again...? I'm
healed?"
-<>-
A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington,
D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George
Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the
Potomac River.
"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw
a coin that far!"
"You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went
a lot farther in those days."
-<>-
A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand
him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when
he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She
will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do;
to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him
to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most
intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as
though he's the most handsome man in the room and will
enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and
invincible man alive.
No wait...sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It's scotch that
does all that.
=========================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
^ _...._ ^
.' '. _...._
^ / \' '.
|X / \
-. \ |X | ^
.-. |'.-. .' \ /
\;/ `/\` '. .'
/ \ ( `/\`
/ \ \ ^ `)
^ / \ ) ( ^
/'-...-'\ ( \
/-.__ __.-\ )
jgs '._ ` _.' ^ /
`"""""`
>Thoughts
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of
the month than you did before.
Bureaucracy is a challenge to be overcome by a righteous
attitude, tolerance for stupidity and a bulldozer when necessary.
We've got the best government money can buy. Think about that for
awhile.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That
way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches
you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong
desire to live, taking the form of readiness to die. - G.K.
Chesterton
-<>-
>Stupid, but I bet you laugh...
1. HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the heck out of it.
2. WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam.
3. WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE?
Polaroids.
4. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick
5. WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho cheese
6. WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
Subordinate Clauses.
7. WHAT DO YOU CALL 4 BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND?
Quatro sinko.
8. WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk
9. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
Frostbite.
10. WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck
11. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef
12. WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
Because it scares the dog
13. WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
Sanka.
14. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
The location of the Dirt Bag.
15. WHY DOES A PILGRIMS PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
Because they wear their belt buckles on their hat.
16. HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
Unique up on it.
17. HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
Tame way, unique up on it.
18. WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
Skeet.
19. WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP.
An Amish drive-by-shooting.
20. HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer
-<>-
A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful. So she left
a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the
milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He
thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the
door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your
note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or
1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my
bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "OK. You want it Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my belly button."
-<>-
>Things on Santa's To-Do List
Edited for Taste
11> Have the elves increase production on those cheesy Xbox
knock-offs.
10> Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Enron stock
certificates instead.
9> Decide how to respond to Ashcroft's subpoena demanding
information on what foreigners are naughty or nice.
8> File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16
wasting the sleigh.
7> Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be
too careful!
6> Finally shave the beard now that the Taliban has fallen.
5> Attend weekly meeting at Nogaholics Anonymous.
3> Visit reindeer stalls to load up on stocking stuffers for
a certain Mr. bin Laden.
2> Prepare a lump of coal with Winona Ryder's name on it.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing on Santa's To-Do List...
-<>-
>STUMPY & MARTHA
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every
year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there
airplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane
ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."
This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said
"Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year
I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and
10 dollars is 10 dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll
take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride
and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's
10 dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds
of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does
all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the
pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to
get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out,
but 10 dollars is 10 dollars."
-<>-
>Year 2035 Headlines
- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
finally be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton
has banned all smoking.
- Spotted Owl plague threatens western American crops
and livestock.
- Afghanistan still closed off, physicists estimate it
will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity
decreases to safe levels.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- 35 year study: diet & exercise is the key to weight loss.
- Nursing Home event: Bill Clinton denies allegations
of affair with a candy machine.
- Baby conceived naturally - scientists stumped.
- Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in
Los Angeles.
- Average height of NBA players is 9 feet 7 inches.
- Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of
Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
- New California Law requires that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by Jan 2036.
-<>-
> Murphy's Laws Of Computers
--------------------------
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it
to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your
computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the
manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is
even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have
evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but
rarely what you want to do.
=============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Did You See That?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html
Animal Friends
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html
Life Is
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis.html
Chevy Selling It
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html
Modern Toilet
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Romantic Castles
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html
Kisses Sweeter Then Honey
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kisses.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
What was the most-watched video across the entire World Wide
Web in 2013? You wouldn't believe me if I told you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jofNR_WkoCE
Who was your favorite astronaut this year? I'm willing to bet
it was ISS Commander Chris Hadfield! He made us fall in love
with space all over again with his incredible viral videos.
"Space Oddity" in the first-ever music video shot in space!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KaOC9danxNo
---
...Wow! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
2005 Christmas Snow Globe | I Am Bored
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=14224
Xmas Gullibility Test
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/tests/xmasquiz/christmas.html
VJ Day, Honolulu Hawaii, August 14, 1945 on Vimeo
http://vimeo.com/5645171
Behind The Scenes - 2012/04/30 - Ray Comfort pranks Tony with a Fak
http://tinyurl.com/lay9hz8
---
...LMAO! I love his response! Thanks Melody!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A new report says that members of Congress work harder than
the average American. You know why? That's because thanks to
Congress the average American is out of work." -Jay Leno
"New research came out that reveals that being attractive
in high school leads to success later in life. So finally
some good news for hot, popular teenagers." -Conan O'Brien
"Over the weekend, China became the third nation to land
on the moon. This morning NASA issued a statement:
'Sending stuff to the moon is so 1960s. Call us when you
get to Mars.'" -Craig Ferguson
"Every year I do this during the holidays. This is the day
I go into Central Park and chop down my Christmas tree."
--Dave Letterman
"Are you all getting your Christmas shopping done? I crossed
three people off my gift list today. I didn't get them any-
thing, I just crossed them off." --Jay Leno
"There are only a few days left until Christmas. I tell
you, it's really amazing how popular baby Jesus was able
to become without his mother posting a single picture of
him on Facebook." -Jimmy Kimmel
My grandpa told me to remember two things in life. Look out
for Number One, and remember your number. --Orville Cogswell
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are
good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you
are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey
Would you be more content with six million dollars or six
children? Six children, certainly. Because a man with six
million dollars will always want more.
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.
__, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__)
(--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_
_| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_||
( | | ,_| ( (__|
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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